Disapproval of naughty behaviour feeds his fantasies

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This article was published 03/06/2016 (3456 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At a recent neighbourhood barbecue things got pretty wild and noisy as it got dark, and everybody was drunk and dancing with everyone. I was OK with that, but when I looked around the edge of the garage of the people next door, I saw one couple who shouldn’t be together up against the wall doing some very heavy petting.

I was outraged and told my husband. He went and looked. Instead of agreeing with me that it was a terrible thing when we got home, he said the thought of it turned him on. I told him he was a pig and turned the TV on. He got to go to bed alone with his disgusting fantasies. The next day I said, “You must have been drinking a lot to think that scene last night was OK,” and he said, “I still think it’s hot.”

I give up! Men are pigs! He can’t get it through his thick that what he saw was disgusting.

— His Disgusted Wife, Winnipeg

Dear Disgusted Wife: You might want to give up on this stance of yours because your disapproving only makes it more exciting for him to think about. Seeing a real couple in a sexual situation is not a common sight. The porn industry thrives on this fact. And the look of shock on your face gives your husband the “naughty boy” feeling, which is also exciting at his age. So let the thrill run out by letting go of it yourself. Then it will fade. Maybe.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently met up with the guy who bullied me in high school at a hometown reunion. I was a late bloomer. I was only five-six when I left my hometown and he was six feet. I am now six-three and he has shrunk. I resisted the chicken’s impulse not to say anything about the way he and his friends treated me at school — he was the worst of them.

So when he tried to say hello to me at the reunion, as if nothing had ever happened, I said, “I remember how you treated me in high school and I’d risk an assault charge to take you outside and even the score.” He said, “Heh-heh, you’re kidding, aren’t you?” I told him I wasn’t. I said, “Your choice is to apologize in front of my old friends right here, or go outside with me and we’ll even up.” He told me not to be a baby — that was a long time ago. 

I grabbed the back of his shirt, like he used to grab mine, and said, “Let’s go!”

“Alright, I’m sorry!” he yelped, and I let him down after a bit, and he ran outside. Did I fee guilty for that? Not one bit.

— Joined the Bully Ranks? Small Town Manitoba

Dear Joined the Bully Ranks?: Meek and mild doesn’t always work. There’s no doubt you felt good humiliating this old bully the way he humiliated you — and the bonus was having friends nearby to witness it. Hopefully, you didn’t really plan to beat him up and get charged with assault, but the threat must have felt good, and the squeaked-out apology and running away even better. I’d be interested to hear how other people felt about that situation.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am a glutton. I ate too much for dinner again tonight and got sick again. My wife (also a woman) said there’s something wrong with me and she wasn’t giving me any sympathy until I went to a counsellor and talked about why I eat so much. It has gotten worse since my mother died. I just can’t seem to get enough to eat. I am always up for pigging out, even if I’m still stuffed from dinner. Now I’ve gotten to the point of throwing up.

How do I go to a doctor or counsellor and tell him or her what’s happening? I am ashamed.

— Just Call me Miss Piggy, Manitoba

Dear Miss Piggy: You’re not alone. Overeaters Anonymous is a good place to look for help if you’re eating compulsively. People there will understand, be able to help and put you in touch with a doctor. Call 204-334-9008 for info, or visit their website at www.oa.org.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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