Hubby wants to be more than a sex buddy

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This article was published 12/06/2018 (2683 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just went on a fishing holiday weekend with my brother and we got drunk. He started spilling the beans about his “lousy marriage.” It’s not the usual, like not enough sex. His wife only wants him for sex and she wants to do everything else alone, her way.

He has a job he loves and a hobby he enjoys and she just says, “Go out fishing, have fun, whatever, see you later tonight.” It’s like she doesn’t need him for anything at all — except sex. He says he feels like a married boy toy, like he’s tied to someone who only needs him when she needs action. They hardly see each other as friends now.

My former horndog brother says he’d just like to play cards with her or go horseback riding — anything other than having sex all the time. He actually said: “Never marry a woman who only wants you for sex.”

As a single guy who gets “it” irregularly I didn’t know what to say. “Want any help?” would have gotten me thrown me over the side of the boat. “So sorry about your sad troubles,” would have sounded totally fake. What am I supposed to say?

— Rock and a Hard Place, St. Norbert

Dear Rock: You say a big fat nothing. “Yeah” and “uh-huh” and “really” are the only safe words in these conversations. Don’t make any comments about how lucky he is or how his hottie wife sounds like fun, or you wish you were getting the attention instead of him. You want to stay his brother, and if he’s getting tiresome on this topic, ask a number of people to go fishing with you, so he can’t complain.

Tell him he has to work this problem out with her, not you, but you’ll always have his back if there’s trouble. There might be trouble sooner than you think. You have to wonder why his wife wants him out of the way all the time, and why her sexual desire is so high. Oddly enough, it could be another man.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend is a wuss. He won’t do anything that puts him in the least bit of danger, including riding a bike in the city. He warns me of the danger of anything I’m doing, including opening a wine bottle. “It could fly out and hit you in the eye and blind you, ya know!”

Last night, when were having sex, I jokingly informed him at the optimum moment, “I could have diseases I haven’t told you about, ya know!” and wiggled my eyebrows at him. He said, “WHAT DISEASES?” and that was the end of that as he peppered me with questions.

I picked him for a boyfriend because he was so nice and kind compared to the people in my family, but this is too much. Finally, I called him The Big Baby last night because I was so frustrated. Now he’s not taking my calls and ignoring my texts.

I got exactly what I was looking for — a sweet, kind, gentle person who won’t dominate me like my mother did. Yet, I stomped all over his manhood, just the way my mother used to do to my father, before he left us. Please help me. Am I…

— Just Like Her? East Kildonan

Dear Just Like Her: This is not unusual, given your family history. You picked the extreme opposite of your mother, instead of a mate in the middle. You don’t want to be dominated, but you also don’t want to act like your mother. You also don’t want a man who can’t stand up to a woman, like your dad.

Look, this guy is wrong for you in the long run. Back off this gentle fellow before you pound his pride into mincemeat. Pick a new guy who’s warm and gentle enough to show you generous love, yet strong enough to tell you when you’re stepping over his boundaries. He will draw the line, if you can’t see it yourself.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, MB, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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