Shallow end of pool a good place for shallow people

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This article was published 16/06/2018 (3030 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I want to marry a man with a great body as I’ll be presenting him with a great body in return. I am 31 and ready to marry. I work out at the gym seven days a week, so my standards are high. I also spend time on my hair, skin and nails. I have enough money, and so there’s no excuse not to get a professional job done. But I’m not seeing that kind of attention to detail in these kinds of guys at the expensive gym where I work out, or at the bars, or anywhere for that matter. How do I find a man who is worthy of what I’m about to give him?

— Fed Up With Careless Slobs, Winnipeg

Dear Fed Up: Swimming in the shallow end of the pool? Don’t move! Good place for finding someone like yourself — obsessed by the perfect body, hair, manicure and clothing.

But people who take care of themselves like you do, and have money, aren’t necessarily shallow.

They may have other interests, education, friendships, charities they like to serve. What do you have to offer right now besides a fit body and beauty?

To be more interesting, sign up for a few classes, work for a charity, open your eyes to the serious problems in the world and what you can do to help.

Whether a guy’s interested in pumping up his muscles is always going to interest you, but for the love of life, please broaden your scope, mademoiselle.

Looks are not everything, even to people who are gifted with them.

You may be turning well-built men off with your narrow scope and vanity.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a girlfriend with a big problem. Her nasty, ancient mother gives her hives. She breaks out while visiting her, after a half hour or so. It’s no joke because her mother is a boozer (Mom says, “Good wine doesn’t count, does it? Hahaha”).

Mom has a mean mouth and she has even turned her venom on ME just recently — forgot about her lady act and actually screamed at Mr. Nice Guy. Big mistake! I have no emotional connection to her, so I just dished it right back.

Mama also has one of the forgetting diseases, and can’t remember an hour later how cruel and crude she has been to someone.

She picks on her daughter because she is the only one who still goes to see her at her home and stays for long visits, as her mother claims she’s scared in the evenings. I think that’s probably a lie because she drinks so much during the day and evening, she probably passes out at night.

The other grown-up children in the family avoid their mother. She still remembers them by name, though, and doesn’t call them nasty names like she calls my girlfriend.

Oddly enough, I think she prefers the ones who don’t come to visit, because she’s always singing their praises. When they do come, they bring guilt-gifts of flowers and don’t tell her off, because they only stay for 10 to 15 minutes, and then find excuses to buzz off. Lots of phoney kisses and hugs goodbye.

How do I comfort my poor girlfriend? She remembers when her mother was sane and nicer. This is not the woman she sees now. It’s like her real mom died and a mean mouth took over her body. What can I tell my girlfriend to help her deal with this, and not break out in hives all the time? Please tell me what works.

— Pulling My Hair Out, West End

Dear Pulling: Medical people who study this age group, and the diseases associated, offer much help online. For instance, there’s such a thing as “visiting too much” for both parties. Certain siblings needn’t come so often, or stay so long. And your girlfriend should learn that doing an activity with an older person is much better than sitting there staring at each other with the healthy person saying, “How are you?” That’s just asking for trouble. A game of rummy could be a lot more fun. You could play, too.

Your girlfriend needs to see her own doctor about the stress and the hives — and what can be done to protect herself. Ask if you can come along to the doctor’s appointment, and help organize a two-person effort to prevent so much upset from “Mom” in your lives.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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