Take care before rolling the dice on affair

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This article was published 19/06/2018 (3016 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: For more than 12 years I have been with the same woman as a friend and lover, and only married for the last few years. I thought marriage would liven up the relationship, which had been fading. It’s sad, but I fell completely out of love with her. She’s not the brightest light, the sex is almost non-existent now and we have no kids.

She used to be funny, sexy and full of ideas to do things together. Now, she mostly goes gambling with her girlfriends and stares into those machines with a vacant look on her face, waiting to get lucky there. Do I sound bitter? Her girlfriends are all fat, drink wine and smoke a lot, and they are absolutely addicted to those machines. I often go walking alone now.

Then fate intervened. Along cames this woman from my past — I ran into her walking by the river at The Forks. We sat on a bench, and then went for a walk and talked for hours.

She took my hand. She told me how much I hurt her feelings years before, when I didn’t want to have a relationship with someone I worked with. She eventually married another guy we all worked with.

Management even attended the wedding. Now she’s divorced with two half-grown kids. I saw her and realized what a fool I was to snub her when we worked together.

This time, I didn’t have my nose in the air and we talked for hours. We drove to her lake early the next day, had a picnic in the kitchen and another one in the bedroom.

It was beautiful, fun and sexy beyond anything I ever experienced with my wife.

Where does this leave me? She’s willing to have an affair and says marriage didn’t suit her. — Tempted to Accept, Winnipeg

Dear Tempted: If this lady has children at her house and you have a wife at home, your relationship may not be able to take root this time either.

Since you’ve had it with your wife, and there aren’t any children, you might want to level with her, go your own ways and take a chance on being single again. Then you might have real chance with this woman from your past.

But first, you need to explore what was said about this lady not liking marriage and her willingness to just have an affair. Maybe she wants some cloak-and-dagger drama, rather than a real romance with a guy who might want marriage.

You need to find out because this is no ordinary meet-up. She is not just some woman you met recently. This is a former strong attraction. For her, you are the one who got away. For you, she is the mistake you made by being afraid and conservative.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend has been accepted at a university in another city. She has not invited me to go along and take my university courses there, so I am staying here at the University of Manitoba.

I know she’s leaving in September and I’m hurt and angry. I feel like breaking up with her after her high school graduation this month. If she doesn’t want me in September, why should I wait for the axe to fall all summer? What do you think? — Ready To Run Now, S. End

Dear Ready to Run: Maybe the axe isn’t going to fall. Maybe she’ll go off to university and realize how much she loves you and entreat you to join her there in second term. If her career path requires that she go there, and yours is flexible, you might go then. It’s really best if you don’t tag along right away, so you can see how you feel apart.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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