Massage offer rubs girlfriend wrong way

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This article was published 09/09/2018 (2939 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend suggested she give me a back rub which turned out to be a total body massage. You can imagine what happened after that! The next weekend, when we were together again and I wanted to return the favour, she wanted nothing to do with it.

She said she only likes to give, not to receive, when it comes to massages because certain kinds of touch “drive her buggy.”

I wasn’t going to argue the point and left it at that, but I felt kind of rejected, like an engine was running down inside of me. I feel kind of inhibited now that I know she’s judgmental about the way a guy like me might touch her. Should I just back off this girl who I really like for other reasons? Could I ever win with a woman like this?

— Loving Hands, St. Vital

Dear Loving Hands: Before you give up, get her story, because I can guarantee you there is one. Take her out for an evening on a patio where it’s relaxed and fun. After a warm-up of dinner and a few drinks, ask her what kind of massage touches drive her “buggy” and tell her not to be embarrassed to mention a former boyfriend or two. You may find out she’s extremely ticklish, to the point of nausea. Or, you may find out her last boyfriend had very strong hands and was too rough. Some men’s “massage” offers have nothing to do with massage and all they want to do is get down to business.

Her use of the word “buggy” suggests to me it’s the light-touch massage she can’t stand. That kind of massage can feel like bugs walking on your skin.

These issues are the kinds of things couples can work out if they just talk about them.

And if you find out she isn’t into massage, but still likes to give them, just lie back and enjoy it. Poor you! There are so many other ways to enjoy and excite her. Not everybody likes a massage, so don’t take it personally.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met an attractive man on the street when I got a flat tire. He stopped and helped me change the flat and he was fun, business-like and a little flirty. He was in a suit and on his way to a meeting, and he was going to be late because he stopped to help me. There was no wedding ring on his finger and he was in his late 20s, about my age. He gave me his card before he left “in case you need to get in touch.” Was that an invitation to get together?

— Hoping So, Downtown

Dear Hoping: It sounds like an invitation. He didn’t ask you for a date, because he didn’t want you to feel obligated to say yes after helping you out — the mark of a gentleman.

But he did provide you with a way to call him if you wanted to. So, call him for lunch! Because you didn’t give him a business card back, be sure to remind him right away you are the woman who had the flat tire.

Tell him your name and thank him for coming to your rescue, especially when it made him late.

If, as we both suspect, he wanted to see you again socially, he will accept your invitation. Suggest a place that’s fun and moderately priced, and ask him what would be a good day for him. That way, he can choose a weekday or a weekend.

Good luck with this! It sounds like a sure bet to me, so don’t be scared to call him. He may be wondering if and when you will, so get on it!

If you are having problems in your personal life, email Miss Lonelyhearts at lovecoach@hotmail.com.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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