Momma’s boy needs to show commitment

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/09/2018 (2937 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m involved in what my best friend calls an “unhealthy” relationship with the son of an older female acquaintance of mine, who has money. I didn’t know my new guy was her son when I got involved with him, and she is significantly older than me (about 20 years). But, we are hiding our relationship from her. She is a barracuda and very critical of any girlfriend he’s ever had, or so he tells me, and she scares them off her golden boy — and only child.

I’m in my late 30s and less than 10 years older than my boyfriend, but he says she will explode over the age difference. She wants grandchildren, he says, but by that she doesn’t mean some grandchildren from another guy. I have two small children who adore him, and he feels the same way about them.

We have gone all spring and summer without her finding out about us because she is retired and always at the lake and golfing. He works during the week, as do I, and then we go to my cabin most weekends. Every second weekend the kids are with their father. Fall has arrived, and I need an answer as to what to do about her, ASAP. Now what?

— Falling In Love, Winnipeg

Dear Falling In Love: The unhealthiest part of this relationship is that this guy is scared of his mother — a momma’s boy who dares not displease! Is there a big inheritance involved, or is she just plain abusive if he makes her unhappy? Does she perhaps have a wife picked out from her wealthy crowd’s children?

Why is he hiding you and your kids from her and why are you going along with it? Insist on visiting her. She may already know about you, and is keeping her cards close to her chest!

If the two of you can’t stand up to her, then this relationship is not a strong adult one — and Momma wins again. On the other hand, she might actually like you and push the union. Is he as devoted to you as you are to him? You need to find that out first. Big Bad Momma may just be an excuse for him not to pursue a more permanent connection with you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At camp I met another counsellor who is beautiful inside and out. Together, we were a great working pair. She has gone home and I am back in Winnipeg, bored out of my skull without her. We had to try to keep some distance at camp in the daytime, but we managed to get together quite a bit at night. I really want to be with her, but she lives in the country and I live in the city.

Nobody is going to be giving a girl her age their car to drive here to the city, and my folks have already vetoed trips to her town, which is a long ways away. Miss L., I miss her so badly my chest hurts!

— Aching Heart, Winnipeg

Dear Aching: Young summer romances are wonderful, until it’s fall. Then a lot of young people who met through summer jobs out of town are left sad and hurting. It helps to make plans right now to apply for counselling jobs at the same camp next summer, even if you change your mind later. Having made plans, it doesn’t seem like you’re torn apart forever.

But, you can’t expect each other not to date other people until next June. Try to be friends who have a special connection online and on the phone, and see what happens. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get back together as sweethearts in the summer of 2019. Good luck!

Got problems in your personal life? Email Miss Lonelyhearts at lovecoach@hotmail.com.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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