No second chance for bad ex-boyfriend

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/10/2018 (2916 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had a meeting with a ghost. I’d heard a rumour this no-good ex-boyfriend who moved to the Maritimes 20 years ago was dead from hard-drinking and hard-living. I was more than comfortable with that. He was a mean drunk and beat up on me when I was seeing him here in Winnipeg.

I was at my favourite bar and this guy comes up from behind me, said my name in a nice voice and asks me to dance. I turned around and looked right into my old ex’s face. I was in shock. He looked much older, but somehow healthier. When we walked back to the bar for a drink, he had a glass of ice water. He said he’d been sober for years and was terribly sorry for what he’d put me through. I accepted his apology, but I wanted to get away from him.

I was getting my jacket to leave when he followed me outside and said, “I’d hoped we can make up and I could see you again.” I just said, “No, leave me alone!”

Was I too mean to refuse to forgive a man who beat me up years ago?

— Cold and Unforgiving Ex, Southdale

Dear Cold: You listened to his apology, and that was enough for you. Certainly, you can let some of the anger go, but that doesn’t require you to re-engage with this guy, and particularly not on an intimate level.

Want to go back to your favourite dance bar? Tell him “no thanks” if he asks you to dance and wish him well in his quest for romance. If he keeps calling and bothering you, block his number and start going somewhere else to dance for a bit.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met an absolute honeybunny when I was away on holidays this summer and we had a beautiful romance. I thought it was over when we went back to our respective provinces. Then, she phoned to say she had been transferred to Winnipeg and wanted to see me. Fine!

We met at The Forks and were walking by the river when this man came towards us, in a snit. He stopped and said something about “poisoning the kids against him.” It was her ex-husband. She’d told me she used to live in Winnipeg in her 20s, but she neglected to mention a marriage and grown kids who ignore their father.

When I asked why she never told me, she said she thought she was never going to see me again and it was a non-issue.

“Now, I’d be willing to tell you my life story,” she said. I told her not to bother, that she seemed deceptive to me now. When I got home, there was a message from her asking to meet for “coffee and a long, long chat.” I messaged her back and said I would think about it.

Was I too jealous and hasty? I told her my life story — three grown kids, widower, looking for new love. At the time, she said she didn’t want to talk about her “boring” past. Was my negative reaction a…

— Hasty Decision or Smart Decision? Fort Rouge

Dear Decision: Whose idea was it to cut it off when you went home? I’m betting hers until she found out she was moving to Winnipeg and would probably run into you. She was looking for an uncomplicated fling, then changed her tune when it suited her.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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