She cheated — and he wants to take her back

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/10/2018 (2917 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love the lake and stupidly went back to say goodbye to my favourite place on Earth.

My wife surprised me by packing me a huge, two-meal basket of food and suggested I stay overnight at the cottage. I jokingly said, “Trying to get rid of me? OK, I’ll stay the night! “ and she laughed a funny kind of laugh.

I got there a few hours later, had a nice time, said hello to a few of the townsfolk, ate all the food, cleaned up the yard, read a book. But, I felt so lonely I started driving home around 10 p.m., thinking I would surprise my wife at midnight.

Well, surprise may not be the word for it. She was having a candlelight dinner with a guy at our dining room table. In fact, there were candles all over the place.

I started yelling “Get out! Get out, both of you!” over and over, and they took off in their cars.

I was too upset to even cry. I locked and chained the doors. I finally slept with the dog whimpering on my bed.

She called from a hotel the next day. Why? Because he’s married too, and they couldn’t go to his place.

I know this jerk — my wife works with him. I called his office and left a message telling him to keep her.

That’s when it started to backfire because he fully intends to keep her. They are apparently “in love,” she tells me, and he’s leaving his wife. He’s got money to get them a big apartment, right away.

Here’s the problem. I still love her and want her back. I know I haven’t been a very attentive or romantic husband, but I can change.

She says it’s too late, and she just wants her stuff and she doesn’t want counselling.

By the way, we have no kids. I decided I was too busy with work, and away too often on the job, so I didn’t want them. Apparently, this guy does.

None of this matters, I just love her so much. What can I do? — Broken-Hearted Husband, St. Vital

Dear Broken-Hearted: Married folks are sometimes much more attentive to the flame in the backyard fire pit than to the person shivering beside them. It’s easy to take all kinds of things for granted in this world — love, kids, pets, home. We just get used to the status quo.

You already knew you weren’t very attentive to your wife, yet you didn’t realize you were creating a hole in the relationship big enough for another guy to crawl through.

Why didn’t she kick up a fuss and complain?

Because she probably didn’t want to have to beg for more attention. It’s embarrassing to ask that of someone who has vowed to give you their love forever.

And then, there’s the no-children issue. Did you agree to have children before you got married? Your decision, after getting married, that you were too busy for children, may have been a dealbreaker for your wife. 

That doesn’t excuse her from staying with you and cheating, but it may be why she stopped feeling love and loyalty towards you.

One of the reasons people get married is to provide a stable environment for children. Otherwise, many people just live together as long as they love each other, and there’s very little disapproval from society.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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