Chivalry not dead, no tipping required

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This article was published 06/10/2018 (2914 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a man in his early 20s in the grocery line and he offered to help me carry my groceries to my truck. As a small woman in my 40s, it was very much appreciated! I tried to offer him money and he said, “Don’t insult me. I am doing this as a gentleman.”

Gentleman? Strange to hear that old-fashioned word, coming out of his mouth. And what young person doesn’t want a little extra money these days? I felt embarrassed by his remark. Finally, I just said awkwardly, “Well, thank you very much, Sir Galahad!” smiled, and got in my vehicle. How should I have handled that better?

— Blew it Somehow, River Heights

Dear Blew It: Your comeback was perfect. The awkwardness would not have happened if he had not taken offence to the money offer. He could have said, “No thanks, it was my pleasure to help you.” But he didn’t.

You were not impolite to offer a tip, but you should have asked, saying, “I really appreciate this. Could I please give you this little tip?” Someone else might have needed that money, but he was not one of those people. The “gentleman” word lets you know he was brought up by old-fashioned people who still use it as a sign of respect.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend has the biggest heart, but he is also a fighter. He doesn’t fight women; he adores and protects women because of his Italian mother. But he has a temper, and I saw it again on the weekend. We were outside a bar having a smoke when this drunken idiot put his hands on my “bodacious tatas” as he passed me and squeezed.

My boyfriend grabbed him and held up against the wall about six inches and was going to punch him in the face when a bouncer intervened. My guy got in trouble, and we were both kicked out of the bar. The bouncer missed the incident that started the fight.

This is not the first time my boyfriend has come to my defence, and I must say it does make me feel like a princess in some ways.

What I don’t like is that it results in us getting the the royal boot out of the bar. I tried to talk some sense into him and he said, “When I see some drunk hitting on you, I see red!” He said it isn’t jealousy, he just wants to protect me from creeps. How do you put him down for that? Please advise.

— Worried Princess, Downtown

Dear Princess: Hanging out behind bars to have a smoke is generally a bad idea, because some of the smokers are bound to be drunk, high or both. You’d be smarter to smoke in your vehicle or switch to a more civilized venue.

As for your choice of boyfriend, part of you likes the fighter in him. You might want to hide the thrill it gives you, because he could go to jail for assault one day.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Four times I’ve caught my wife lying to me about gambling with her friends. She pretends they go to charity events together or are out for lunch or shopping. But I got suspicious. I give her lots of spending money, but it’s always gone before the end of the month. We are seniors and not rich, but I do have a decent pension.

It was really bugging me that she was stuffing it down the VLTs and lying about it, so I started following her. She’d pick up the same friend or two and off they’d go to a place with VLTs.

I approached her with my evidence, which I had written down in note form. She snatched them out of my hand, ripped them up and said, “I didn’t follow you when you had an affair two years ago! Get off my back, or I will leave you.” I stood there with my mouth gaping. I didn’t know she knew I’d had an affair. It’s over now, so I said nothing about it. Come to think of it, she started gambling a number of months after the affair started. What do you think?

— Silenced, But Upset, The Maples

Dear Upset: Your wife is an angry woman and she gambled with a vengeance, instead of breaking up with you. That tells me she has feelings for you, or you would have been out on the curb with your suitcase when she discovered the affair. She may not even know if the affair is over.

It’s time for a talk with a relationship or marriage counsellor. If you try to fight it out alone, you risk a breakup. Do you want that? Your wife doesn’t, which is why she has kept silent for so long. Think hard now. Deep down, do you want to fix this marriage or be free of it? Also, be aware that though your wife may not have been addicted to gambling a few years go, there’s a good chance she is now and needs help.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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