Ex crashes new relationship

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/12/2018 (2837 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Well, this makes me feel sick. I heard banging on my downstairs kitchen door this morning, and went down in my robe to see what was going on.

It was my ex-girlfriend, who had been up all night drinking and was demanding to be let in out of the cold. I took pity on her, standing there with snow in her face and her hands all red and bare.

Unfortunately, my new girl was upstairs in the washroom getting ready to go to work. I tried to keep it brief with my ex and called her a cab, since she bused it over.

She shoved her red, freezing hands between mine to get them warm, just as my new lady appeared in the kitchen looking for me. My ex took one look at her, and collapsed in a heap on the kitchen table bawling as only a drunk woman can do.

My new lady quietly put on her boots and gave me an icy stare, as she walked out the back door to her car.

My ex got it together very quickly when the cab arrived and I handed her $50 and told her to get something to eat as well. 

Now my new lady is not taking my calls and the ex won’t quit calling, but I don’t answer. What should I do? — Can’t Win For Losing, Wolseley

Dear Can’t Win: For a week, do little but make yourself scarce. These tangled balls sometimes untangle themselves to a degree, given enough time and absence from the scene of the crime.  

Peace can’t be found when people are still feeling the bad emotions of the scene, like the freezing cold, and the rejection and humiliation experienced by your drunken ex.

Or, in the case of your new lady, the shock, embarrassment and anger mixed with disgust at finding herself a part of this three-person drama. 

After a week, your ex might give up calling and your new lady might miss you enough to listen to your explanation.

I suspect you didn’t clearly cut things off with your ex, so with a bottle downed, she thought she could still come over and reclaim your attentions. That mix-up has certainly been cleared up for her now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel excited, but intimidated, by this woman I met in a store last weekend. We were looking at CDs and started talking, and ended up sitting together on a bench.

She studies classical and jazz music. I just play by ear for hours a day and play in a rock band, because that’s what I love most. I’m not a young man.

I always picked the girls. Or sometimes they picked me because I play in a band, and they think it’s hot. This woman can run circles around me musically, so is not impressed by the band thing.

How can I impress her when her accomplishments are so solid, and mine are just years of experiences, and songs I’ve written, and things I hear in my head and nail down? — Just a Guitar Man, Winnipeg

Dear Guitar Player: She can’t do what you do, and vice versa — couldn’t there be something magical about that? You come from different musical styles — share them with each other. For fun, you might even rent a studio and record a song you write together.

It doesn’t have to be a competition; it’s a meeting of two musical souls. Enjoy it!

Don’t compare yourself and feel wanting. Appreciate the music only you or she can make, and clap loudly.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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