Pushing 30, it’s time for this bird to leave the nest

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/12/2018 (2856 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It’s hard for me to write this, but I feel as though I’m at my end. I’m the middle sibling of the pack — the oldest is 35, the youngest is 24 and I’m 29. My older sister has been provided for by our parents. They paid for her university, helped her with a new vehicle and her first home. My younger brother, same story. He even gets the family home in two years.

My parents completely ignore me when it comes to my life — no discussions about moving out, relationships or my future. I’m looked at as the caregiver. I contribute to the home, run the errands, take care ofmyself and have a good-paying job. But I have gone into debt trying to get ahead, because I know I’m not receiving any support from my parents.

My siblings got to live a normal life not only by being responsible, but also by going out in the world and having as many experiences as possible, without being judged by our parents.

I’ve lost all my friends as they have moved on, with the help of their parents. I love my parents with all my heart, but they live like they are in a seniors home when they are perfectly healthy. All they tell me is it’s too expensive to live on my own, yada, yada, yada.

I feel as if I’m stuck and will receive a guilt trip for leaving.

I feel as if everyone is just laughing at me and taking advantage of me. I’m so tired of pretending to be happy. Sometimes I just want to move as far away as possible. And if I do move out, I feel as if it will be for good. Where do I go? What do I do?

— Tired and Neglected, Winnipeg

Dear Tired and Neglected: What we have here is a failure to launch. At 29, with a good-paying job, you need to move out, without parental support. You will feel much better and get over the guilt quickly.

Start secretly looking for an apartment and, after Christmas, make your move. Don’t ask for approval or financial support, and realize you will also be doing your parents a favour by forcing them out of their seniors-home mentality and back to life as active, older adults.

Your problem is you look to everyone else for approval before making your own adult decisions. You could have left home 10 years ago — it’s time to get moving. There will be pushback from your parents, who are spoiled by you now. Just keep repeating this phrase: “I am 29 and I need to move out now.”

Whatever you do, don’t move next door or anywhere nearby. That’s just asking to get used. Move to a fun area of town like Corydon Avenue or Osborne Village — somewhere with funky restaurants and bars and things to do.

Buy yourself a new bed. Other household items you can buy cheaply at a thrift shop or big-box store. You’ll be amazed how much fun it is to do things without family approval. As for new friends, look online at meetup.com in the sports, arts and social activities divisions, and start joining some groups.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m dying to date this woman who just left her nasty husband. We work at the same shopping mall and have been having coffee together for two years.

She finally left that ignorant drunk she was married to for five long years. She knows I like her, I think, but maybe just as a friend. How do I go about asking her out and moving from the friend zone to something more romantic? I think she may want it, too. But what if she doesn’t?

— Wanting Her, Polo Park

Dear Wanting Her: You need to hurry this up. It’s the holiday season and she might be a bit lonely and accept someone else’s advances. Take a chance and ask her out for dinner. Make it easy for her and pick somewhere near the mall. Tell her you’ll pick her up and drive her home. Show her what it’s like to date a gentleman for a change.

Don’t bring her flowers (too much, too soon), but be casual and fun. Check out who’s playing in the clubs, in case you want to make a longer night of it. Kiss her goodnight, but don’t push for anything more on a first date. Keep it light and a bit romantic. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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