Time to face facts: she’s not leaving rich husband

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This article was published 09/12/2018 (2856 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in love with a woman who’s married to a man who doesn’t like sex, except to “procreate.”

She had her last baby three years ago. Her husband has taken to being “religious” as a way to excuse himself from sex. He says the Lord’s plan is that married people should be best friends and only have sex when they want to create a baby. Then it’s sanctified by God.

She doesn’t want to have any more babies, so her husband went out and bought a new bed and moved it to an empty bedroom in the basement so they could “both get a great night’s sleep.” I am actually thrilled by that.

Now I know I have her all to myself sexually, but here’s the problem: I’ve fallen in love with her mind and heart, as well. We get together whenever we can, and try to make up for whatever she’s missing at home.

The problem is, she won’t leave this man because he makes lots of money and that supports the children, with lots left over for her. He’s a generous man and buys her favour with his big bucks. She chooses to be a loving stay-at-home mother.

And then there’s me.

I’m lonely, living in my apartment, deeply in love with her and not sleeping much on the many nights we are apart. I see her on weekends when he takes the kids out. Sometimes, he takes them to his parents in the country for overnight stays.

I don’t know what to do. I want her, and nobody else. Please help.

— Painful Arrangement, Rural Manitoba

Dear Painful Arrangement: Let’s do the “relationship math.” She has two men — one for sex and excitement and another for money and loving childcare. She has a number of children she loves, as well as a secure, upscale lifestyle.

You should know devoted mothers are highly unlikely to choose to leave a wealthy, generous husband when their kids are growing up.

You, on the other hand, only get a part-time sex partner out of this. And you have to stay hidden. You can’t even take her out to dinner. You can’t meet her kids, either. You’re lonely and your heart is missing her on the many days and nights you can’t see her.

If you were just into her for the sex, it would be a mutual “understanding” and it might feel like a fair enough deal. But in your case, this is just not going to work. You’re not likely to leave her, being so smitten, with no one else to fill the gap. But this is going nowhere. You need to find someone else — someone with a similar personality, and maybe even a similar look, and single. You need to accept that you are actually still a single man. Start your search while you’re still trying to “quit” your addiction to this married lady.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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