Take a firm hand with invading relatives

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This article was published 24/12/2018 (2827 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR READERS: With all the holiday celebrations this month, I want to tell you I’m thankful for your loyal readership and your letters — most of them by email, but still a few in paper form. And they come from across the province and beyond. Snowbirds enjoying a sunspot holiday can still find themselves in a mess.

I always enjoy reading your letters and helping you find solutions to your problems. Keep them coming. Wishing you all a Merry Christmas!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A horde of my annoying relatives is coming in to stay with me and my husband. Not my in-laws, who are perfect visitors. No, I mean my own family, who feel they have the right to say anything critical they please about my house, food, haircut, body — you name it. “I’m just being honest!” is their excuse. “If you can’t be honest with your own family, who can you be honest with?”

Last time they came (three years ago) I took the brunt of the criticism for decisions such as the “oddball” Christmas dinner menu (which included some vegetarian main dishes as well as turkey), my choice of old-fashioned games and having our best friends over.

I am a ball of nerves by the time Christmas dinner starts. Please write me back by Dec. 24. It would be the best gift I could get.

— Their Christmas Football, Winnipeg area

Dear Football: Time to initiate a “no-criticism” policy. Put your hand up like a traffic cop and say “Stop!” any time they start running their mouths. Show them who is in charge. Say firmly, but with a little smile, “No criticism this year. That’s the rule around here.”

Then feel free to change the subject and/or walk out of the room pleasantly and do something else. There may be some blowback, but they will get the message. Stick to your guns and enlist your husband to do the same thing. You can retrain this mob to become a better-behaved group, but it will take some effort.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend broke up with me two months ago and I am looking for love this Christmas. I thought I’d have somebody new by now — that was part of what gave me the courage to break up with him.

Now, it seems I’m going to be all alone and I have four parties to go to in the next couple of weeks, including New Year’s Eve. I don’t even want to go, although half my old high school class will be there.

I feel like an object of pity. I haven’t gone to a big party alone since high school. I’m back living with my sister and she’s pushing me out the door this holiday, or so she says. Yesterday, she hauled me off to the mall and bought me some new clothes. She says I look like a depressed frump. Well, that’s how I feel.

— The Frump, St. Boniface

Dear Frump: Say goodbye to your frumpy image right now. You may have heard the expression, “fake it till you make it.” That’s your new motto. Begin by thanking your sister for dragging you out of your self-pity hole. People who see the new you — someone who’s full of life, dressed to the nines and looking happy — will want to spend time in your orbit. On the other hand, someone who makes no effort and sulks and goes home early isn’t even noticed. There is no better time to meet new people and have fun than a holiday party.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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