Does new girlfriend have eyes for hers or hims?

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/02/2019 (2454 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a lesbian, never anything else. It is authentically me. I have a new girlfriend who used to be with men. I heard all her complaints about men and her love of women, and decided to take a chance on her.

It went well for about six months, but over Christmas I noticed her flirting with a friend of her brother’s who came to town for the holidays.

She warmed up towards me again after he left, and then got excited when she heard he was coming back at Easter.

I finally asked her if she wasn’t sure about her sexuality. She said, “Oh, I don’t look at men at anymore, but can’t you see how good-looking he is? Anyone — even you — can see that, can’t you? He’s hot — to look at.” That was it. I went home. I haven’t called her since, but she calls me endlessly. What should I do?

— Hurt and Finished, Riverview

Dear Finished: She sounds young, or at least very immature. You can take the time to educate her on the phone, if you know what you want to say. That should stop the calling. If she can’t or won’t take no for an answer, you will have to block her calls any way you can.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I said some nice things about my boyfriend to his face and he laughed, and started calling me his “cheerleader.” I pointed out that’s what lovers do for each other, and I said those things as someone who was in a loving relationship with him.

I could tell he didn’t get it, like he thought I was trying to con him in some way. He’s a great guy in many ways and I don’t want to break up, but he’s wearing on me.

— Hurt Feelings, Charleswood

Dear Hurt Feelings: Secretly, put him on a “no-sugar” diet for a few weeks. It may be you are too sweet and gushy for him, or he may think you’re trying to earn points with him. Note if and when he says complimentary things to you during those few weeks. If he doesn’t, you have something to think about. Do you want a one-sided relationship where you provide him all the verbal appreciation and he says nothing?

Every nice thing you say to him may be true, but he doesn’t believe it himself. Maybe he didn’t get any compliments from his parents. Perhaps they were critical and cold. But you didn’t commit those parenting sins, so don’t make them your problem.

Be warned: men like this often don’t want substitute mothers as lovers. In the end, they may marry a supportive-mom type to warm the nest and raise the children better than he experienced. But he may prefer a lover outside the nest who he has to chase and please.

Why? Someone who’s cool to him — except in bed — may seem more attractive to him as a sex partner. He’s comfortable seeking love and affection, not receiving and enjoying it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went walking alone at the lake and I think I saw a bear at a distance in the woods. I went running back to the cabin and my husband told me to have a brandy and “settle down.” He said it was probably “just a wolf” and that black bears don’t come out of hibernation until the end of March or April. So, what did I see then?

My husband is such a know-it-all. His favourite thing to say to me is “calm down” in a tone that makes me hate him for a few hours. I told him to get his gun and go hunting for that bear. He said, “Your turn, Red Riding Hood,” and went back to his book. What is it going to take to get his attention?

— Hate Him At The Lake, West End

Dear Hate Him: “Attention” is the key word here. You’re bored and would like some action and attention. Since you’re not going to get it from him — he’s in a state of hibernation himself — you need to bring a friend to the lake to hang out with, or let hubby go by himself. He’s never going to provide entertainment for you there. Maybe, as far as he’s concerned, you’re there for the cooking and a warm body under the covers. You might have a better time staying in town for the winter weekends. He can go to the lake alone, have a brandy, relax in the cabin and read until he’s cross-eyed.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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