Missing money prompts drug fears

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This article was published 19/02/2019 (2786 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m furious! I found out someone has been helping herself to money from my purse. My teenage daughter has a good allowance and I don’t know why she suddenly needs a lot more money. Do you think she could be buying drugs? I’m worried sick if this is the case.

I know she smokes pot because I can smell it on her. She always says she was in someone else’s car and that’s how the smell gets on her clothes, but I can see her eyes are at half-mast, too. What if it’s a worse drug?

The only other person who could take the money is one of her girlfriends. Everybody knows I hide my purse in the linen closet in case there’s a burglary, but the door often comes open as it doesn’t fit right.

— Worried and Upset, River Heights

Dear Worried: First thing to do is change the hiding place for your purse and don’t tell anyone. That should take care of your financial losses, regardless of who is stealing your money. Wait to see if your daughter says anything at all about your purse, no matter how casual it may seem.

Give it a week or so and then sit down with her and discuss the situation. The lost money may not have anything to do with your daughter, so be careful you don’t accuse her. But do have a conversation with her about where she thinks the money might be going.

Then, ask her calmly if she’s been taking the money, and if so, what she needs it for. Tell her you know she smokes pot, and ask her if that’s what she is spending the money on. Using the same level voice, ask her if she’s experimenting with other drugs.

If she says nothing, call her school guidance counsellor and ask about the drug situation at the school and in the neighbourhood. An excellent online resource for parents who suspect their children may be using drugs is Drug Free Kids at drugfreekidscanada.org.

By the way, all parents should keep their medications in a lock box. Adults often don’t realize how many kids may be getting into their prescriptions, painkillers, cold remedies and other drugs. If it isn’t their own kids, it can be visiting friends, cousins or party attendees who lift them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I never planned to fall in love — too many complications. I’m a good-looking guy, in my mid-30s with a great job and women were always OK with having casual relationships with me, up until now. Then over Christmas, this woman — a good friend’s sister — came to a party at my place and we both fell hard! Since then, she’s only gone home for a change of clothes. I’m totally smitten and even picturing marriage and children together.

The problem is my parents, who are already pressuring me to get engaged since we are so in love. They want grandchildren and I’m their only kid. They love my girlfriend already. I probably will ask her to marry me in the next year, but in my own time.

My parents had us over for supper last night and my mother, after a few too many cocktails, said, “So when’s the big day?” My girlfriend blushed deeply as I jumped in and said, “Mom, you’ve had too much to drink, and I think it’s time for us to go.” We got our coats and boots and my mom slurred,”Wasss your problem?” We left to the sound of my mom and dad starting to argue.

I’m just stubborn enough to want to hold off on marriage just to show my mother who’s boss, but I know that is childish. Right now, I don’t feel like going to my parents for dinner again any time soon. Yet my girlfriend and parents get along so well, and we all love to play games after dinner.

— Stubborn Guy, North Kildonan

Dear Stubborn: I suggest a secret engagement any time you feel is appropriate. It could be three weeks or three months from now, but don’t hold off a long time or rush into it because of your mother. Do it when you and your lady feel you are ready.

If you feel you didn’t make your point when you left dinner so abruptly, talk to your mother privately and say her efforts to rush your relationship may actually torpedo any chances of grandchildren. Explain that your relationship is still new and needs time to grow. Likely, your dad has already made this point with your mom, so you may not need to have a word with her at all. Still, you do need to call her and smoothe things over. Next move with the folks? Dinner at your place, where you can subtly control your mom’s liquor intake.

Bring out the cards or board games immediately after dinner and the conversation will quickly turn to the game at hand. This early in the relationship, it’s all about having fun and getting to know each other, not fending off pressure from your parents. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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