Meet rudeness with rudeness, and a smile

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This article was published 23/02/2019 (2779 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a young man with an old soul. I can’t believe how wise he is for 21. He was raised by his grandparents and they did a great job.

I’m 31 — a little immature, to be honest. I’ve dated guys in their 30s who weren’t nearly as responsible and charitable and relaxed with older adults, not to mention ambitious and hard-working like my younger man.

We are very attracted to each other and have started dating openly. But our age difference is quite noticeable and I’m a bit embarrassed by that. OK, a lot embarrassed!

People look at us and don’t think he could possibly be my boyfriend. How do we respond to their inquiring glances and questions? Some people are quite rude. — Feeling Discouraged, West End

Dear Discouraged: You don’t have to be serious when people ask questions that reek of disapproval. You can be rude back, but do it with a smile, like you might be joking. “Well, our average age is 26, and that’s all you’re getting. By the way, how is your love life these days?”

They should get the message they’re getting too nosy. If they don’t, tell them you think the questions are getting too personal, smile and move on. 

People like this know they are being rude and deserve to be left with their mouths open. If you’re a great fit, don’t let other people make you feel you have to apologize or explain yourselves.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: SOS! I need an answer really fast. It’s Valentine’s Day, and my husband has left for work. He left a card on my pillow and a gift, if you can call it that!

He bought me — make that us — house-cleaning services for six months. This would make an ordinary woman jump for joy, but my husband has been complaining about what a terrible housekeeper I am, ever since we got married a year ago.

I don’t know how to react. I’m glad to have help with housekeeping since he does none of it, but I don’t like how this is framed as a Valentine’s Day gift. Should I refuse it? — Feeling Mocked and Disrespected, St. Boniface 

Dear Feeling Mocked: Just like no one enjoys receiving a gym membership from a spouse who’s critical of their out-of-shape body, you naturally don’t feel grateful for this Valentine’s Day “gift.”

The mistake would be to say “I don’t want it and it’s a waste of money and I’ll try to do better.” We know that isn’t working already.

And the cleaning service move may be part of his power game, if that’s what it is. So don’t make any move at all. Let the cleaning service start coming and enjoy it. Thank your husband for the great gift and spend more time on activities you like. 

If you’re not working, look for a job. Get out more and enjoy having a clean house without all the drudge work. When the six months are up, chip in your share for the cleaners and keep them. 

And please consider this: your husband may have been sincere when he gave you this gift, knowing cleaning is something both of you hate. So keep your suspicions to yourself and see how things go.

This gift may end up being the answer to your biggest marriage problem. Enjoy it and good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My neighbour is after my husband. She convinced him to start curling with her league and they are becoming the best of buddies.

My husband had asked me to join the league, but I told him I hate curling. What should I do now? — Not a Curler, Winnipeg

Dear Not a Curler: Start going to the games to cheer your guy on and take an interest this winter in being an armchair curler.

If you think this woman is trying to get her clutches into him through curling, be annoyingly present at the rink and protect your love relationship. She will back off if she sees you’re onto her.

Be bold. Say something to her half-jokingly about not getting too chummy with your man, letting your eyes remain deadly serious.

Too often, we don’t fight for our relationships and marriages. All is fair in love and war? Not in your life it isn’t!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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