Gitch-grabbing girl needs to know she’s weirding him out

Opinion

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This article was published 07/09/2019 (2225 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a new girlfriend come over for the first time. It was great playing around on the sofa, so we adjourned to my bedroom. But then things went off the rails. She thought she’d surprise me by coming to bed, wearing a pair of my gitch out of my drawer.

She has a nice body, but those jockey shorts made her look weird. I told her to put them back. She was embarrassed and used the elastic to shoot them like a slingshot. I was totally weirded out. I asked where she got this move and she said it was from having three older brothers. “They used to dress me up like that when mom and dad weren’t around, and we’d all jump on the bed together and laugh. It was really exciting.”

I felt totally turned off. Not wanting to make her feel rejected, I told her I was hungry and jumped up and made us some pizza. But then I took her home. She keeps phoning. I’m just not into her, and she asks why. I don’t know what to say.

— Weirded Out, St. Boniface

Dear Weirded Out: When she was young, she must have felt excited and kind of naughty and aroused by jumping around in her brothers’ underwear with them, and she remembers that feeling, and wants it again. You should gently suggest she see a psychologist. Explain why you feel turned off. What she did would be the same as a guy who surprises a new girlfriend by putting on a pair of her panties and jumping back into bed.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My father died and now my middle-aged mother expects me to leave my own family and do all the heavy housework, yardwork and grocery shopping for her. I have two children, a wife, a house and a big yard. Mom has a lot of money, but you’d never know it. I don’t know what to tell her, but my wife is ready to tell her off, and all hell will break loose in my life when that happens.

— Not Mom’s Unpaid Help, Southdale

Dear Not The Help: Teach your mom how to be single with all the support and physical help she needs. First, the groceries — many stores deliver but don’t advertise this fact. There are Winnipeg lists online. It’s important to find out if the store will give her the same deals as in the flyers, and what their delivery cost is. Mom should also know to tip the guy who staggers in with her heavy boxes. Most delivery people carry debit machines now so she doesn’t even need cash.

Also, help her to line up a cleaning person if she doesn’t have one, as well as help for gardening, fall yard cleanup and snow clearance, and help her make pre-payments for the season. Then breathe a sigh of relief.

As for her social life, show her how to become computer-savvy if she’s not. Help her to get connected with singles groups such as Adventures for Successful Singles and meetup.ca, a website that joins people together with similar interests. There are a few romantic ones, but most are not.

Would she like to spend winters away in the sun? Investigate areas where lots of Canadians go (Arizona, Texas, and Mexican favourites such as Puerto Vallarta and Bucerias). Help her do her own research for winter stays, or if she really likes it, to buy a mobile home down south. Winter cruises for singles can also be a lot of fun.

With the big money she’s got to spend, you don’t need to be her servant and her only friend. But that doesn’t mean getting rid of her. Start having her over for dinner more often and inviting other relatives, too, so she can get reacquainted with them and their kids. Also take her to out to shows in town with your wife and go out by yourself with her for lunch, for some family gossip.

With her workload off your back, you can stop resenting your mom and enjoy seeing her having a good life again, even though your dad has passed.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with a new guy after finally getting over the terrible breakup with my high school boyfriend. He really scarred me, but not for life, because my mom sent me for counselling. I have not talked to him or seen him in two years. But now he turns up in my elevator because his new girlfriend lives in my block. I ran into him today.

I was scared he had come to my block to see me, but he boasted he had a new girlfriend. As I was getting out of the elevator, I was so mad I told him to take the stairs the next time he was in the building and he swore back at me. Now what? I’m going to run into him again and there’s only one elevator in this little block.

— The Nightmare Returns, Fort Rouge

Dear Nightmare: Silence is the answer. If you end up in the same elevator, the ride is only a minute long. Don’t talk at all. Look at the front. Let it be completely, uncomfortably silent. It certainly beats fighting. Your ugly chapter with him is over, so let it stay over. It’s somebody else’s problem now, poor dear.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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