‘Junior detective’ daughter curious about dad’s lover

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This article was published 08/09/2019 (2579 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a single dad sharing parenting responsibilities with my ex-wife. It’s been a year of hurt feelings, fights and separation with a divorce recently. So far, so good — until last night, when my 11-year-old daughter threw me a curveball.

She met my new girlfriend, who dresses in a very sexy manner. It’s just her personality. I’d never ask her to be more conservative. But it started giving my daughter some big ideas. I dropped my girlfriend off after we three had an ice-cream date together and then my daughter stayed over.

We were just watching a little TV together and my daughter said to me, “Dad, does your girlfriend sleep overnight here when I’m not here?” I didn’t want to tell her yes, because her mother is still a very jealous woman when it comes to me, so I lied.

Then my daughter, Miss Junior Detective, said, “Well, I found a pink toothbrush, ladies deodorant and moisturizing cream in the bathroom cabinet, and it’s not mine.”

Caught! I explained that the reason I lied was her mother would start screaming and not want me to have visiting rights if she thought I had a girlfriend — especially one who stays over.

My daughter then gave me a sly look and told me in a stage whisper, “Mom has a boyfriend! But he can’t stay over. Mom goes to his place instead.”

This is going to sound really unreasonable, but I suddenly swallowed hard and felt really upset — jealous! I had been my wife’s only lover in her life. And now there’s this guy? What will this do to my daughter’s thinking about both of us?

— Worried Dad, Osborne Village

Dear Worried: Your daughter, who is being forced to grow up fast, will think the same thing about you she’s already thinking about her mom. Most kids block the details from their minds about their parents’ sex lives, but they know what’s going on.

It’s nice to spare them from being under the same roof with the new love pairs — especially after a painful, new parental breakup. Breakup is too often part of modern life for a lot of kids, so it’s best they’re spared unnecessary sights and sounds.

It’s doubtful your sexy new girlfriend would keep a lid on it with your daughter in the next bedroom.

As for your jealousy, you need to get control of that, because everything you say will be repeated back to your ex-wife. Why? There’s probably nothing your daughter would like better than for her parents to become jealous and get back together again.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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