Culinary contempt likely down to insecurity

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/05/2021 (1989 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My live-in girlfriend is a terrible cook, but a harsh critic. Her family all have terrible table manners.

They grew up in a house where people were comfortable saying rude things about the food they cooked for each other, like it was a joke.

Their mom worked most of the time and Dad was gone. They either cooked, brought home junk food or didn’t eat.

The other night I made a recipe from a Thai cookbook that looked great. My girlfriend got up in the middle of the meal, laughed, and told me the meal was gross!

“Better luck next time,” she said. “I’ll phone for pizza.”

I felt tears welling in my eyes, but men don’t cry, so I yelled at her instead. She yelled back: “Relax, you idiot, it’s just food!”

I told her it was more than that. It was the effort I’d made to feed us, and if she’d ever try to help out in that area, she’d understand.

She gave me some typical line about how she does help in the kitchen. That’s BS. She just dials for take-out.

Is it too much to ask her to keep her mouth shut unless she has something nice to say at dinner time?

I’m the only one who cooks. I guess I could just cook for myself, and let her figure out her own meals. Am I wrong? — Chef Shattered, Transcona

Dear Chef Shattered: People who are living together should not be cruel and yelling at each other.

Frankly, a better match for this woman would be an even worse cook. They could laugh at each other’s efforts together, like she grew up doing with her brothers.

You identify as a chef, though a shattered one at the moment. It’s clear you want to enjoy cooking and experimenting, and you should be able to do that without fear of ridicule.

The basic problem? Your enjoyment of cooking makes your girlfriend feel inadequate. Her reaction is to try to tear down your confidence.

She had a lot of practice exchanging barbs as at home with other bad cooks — her brothers — and no parent around to referee and teach about hurt feelings and manners.

Is this a COVID-related living-together situation? It doesn’t sound like a very warm love match. Maybe it’s time for you two to consider finding better-suited roommates — before you two start throwing things at each other.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My brother is obsessed with working out, and all my girlfriends have their tongues hanging out.

When I have one of my girlfriends over, we hang out in the basement rec room. He always seems to be in the little weight room right next door, and parades in an out — for more water. Riiiiight!

My brother and I are both in our teens. I can tell he likes my girlfriends’ attentions, because he always comes over and says “hi,” and finds any excuse to walk around in his sweaty undershirts.

I don’t like it! In fact, it’s annoying me like crazy. Would it be wrong to tell my brother to go away, when I can have a friend over? He’s a … — Sweaty Unwanted Distraction, South St. Vital

Dear Distraction: Tell your brother you’re wise to what’s going on and want him to shut the door if he’s working out — and take his water in there with him!

You don’t need to tell him your girlfriends find him hot. That just pours gasoline on the fire.

Tell him you need privacy when you have a friend over. Ask him how he’d feel if, every time he had a buddy over, you were working out and leaving the door open to listen in — and also walking around in skimpy workout clothes.

Maybe that’ll help him understand — or maybe he’ll just smirk.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.