Graciousness key to good hosting

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This article was published 09/01/2020 (2422 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Please remind your readers to be kind and giving to your host and hostess, when invited for a party or dinner. Preparing your home for guests to come and share good food and company takes work and expense.

One may be asked to bring an appetizer or favourite drink. If not, then kindly bring a host/hostess gift to show appreciation for your invite. Purchasing a basket of local foods, for example, is practical and useful. Find out what the interests of your host/hostess are — maybe sports, gardening, reading, fitness. A gift card to a local coffee shop is always welcome.

Bringing a bottle of wine (per couple) shows little effort and appreciation.

Chocolates are great in moderation, but again how many boxes can you eat? Let’s think about all that extra sugar we are not supposed to have and how many go in the garbage.

And lastly, there is nothing wrong with telling your gift-givers NOT to keep giving you the same gift year after year, when it may go into the garbage or given away because you cannot use it. Let’s always reduce waste.

— Ms. Practical, Winnipeg

Dear Ms. Practical: It’s a good thing you wrote this to me, instead of handing out a gift guide to your dinner guests. While some of your points are good, the last helpful hint is just plain rude. There is plenty wrong with telling your gift givers not to keep giving you the same gift every year (as it may go in the garbage).

You aren’t inviting people to dinner at your house with an option to bring a gift. You are inviting them to a potluck, and you should say so, and organize openly and cheerfully that way to cover everything needed.

Also, consider handing the job of this big dinner to someone in the family of a younger generation who isn’t sick and tired of organizing and paying for it. A happy host who enjoys a a big party makes for a much better party than one who is feeling put upon. You’d be better suited doing small dinner parties at this point, where it’s easier on you and doesn’t cost as much.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We kept overnight guests in two nice upstairs bedrooms at Christmas for our very close neighbours, as their house was too small to accommodate all the family members coming in. The first thing they did was strip off our beds and put down their own sheets and pillowcases.Then they put our sheets and pillow cases back when they left and carried their own out in garbage bags.

For some reason, it felt wrong. We didn’t offer them a tent and heater in our back yard. We invited them cheerfully into our home. To see all my nicest sheets taken off and piled up on chairs beside the beds just seemed like an insult to my hospitality and a distrust of our sheets.

Why does this sit so badly with me? I am still mad!

I went over and told the neighbours what had happened and they just shrugged “so what?” like it was an understandable thing their relatives did and wondered what my problem was.

— Feeling Insulted, West End

Dear Insulted: You graciously put out your nicest sheets and gave these people a warm, cozy home-away-from-home right next door to the neighbours who were having the whole clan for Christmas. Your offer was personal; the guests’ response was impersonal.Taking off your sheets was a way of “not really staying” at your place, just using the mattresses.

Next time they can rent a hotel. Now that you’ve complained to the neighbours, they won’t ask again — and that’s a good thing.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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