Long-distance love affair poses problems

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This article was published 29/10/2019 (2472 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart belongs to a woman who lives far away, too far away. She lives in northern Europe and I met her on vacation two winters ago. She has said she’s in love with me, too, but she obviously doesn’t believe in the possibility of putting our lives together — so I can feel her cooling towards me.

I feel it in our telephone calls and letters online. I think her next sign off may be “Best Wishes, Buddy.” Yes, I’m being sarcastic, but she stopped writing “With Deepest Love” months ago. And her oldest sign-offs, like “Dreaming When We’ll Be Together Forever,” are long gone.

I still love her like crazy, but should I give up on her? I am not a poor man by any means, and I’m as close to retirement as is she.

— The Surrealist, Tuxedo

Dear Surrealist: Surreal paintings don’t look quite real. Maybe you need a clearer picture. You have the money. Go see her in her country, even if you’ve been there before on a romantic holiday. This is different and much more important.

Look at it the other way round. Find out if YOU could live there happily. It’s not totally about her coming to you and giving up her family and lifestyle. Plan to go for a month or more. See her in her world, with her connections to her land and culture. Find out who and what she loves, besides you and your wonderful personality. Perhaps she just needs to see you’re serious about loving her in either surrounding, and would like to buy her an engagement ring and start making plans.

Take a deep breath. There is a negative possibility to consider. There may be a local man moving into her personal life who could give her the chance to be in love and stay in her country.

Also consider a compromise. Some people travel back and forth between countries — and you’ve hinted you have big money to spend. What is love worth to you?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love a sweet girl in my grade who makes me smile. She doesn’t know I love her. Should I tell her?

— Crazy About Her, North End

Dear Crazy: Don’t tell her you love her in words. Let it be in your eyes but not coming out of your mouth. Why? Because saying the words “I love you” puts pressure on her for an answer.

It can be your secret. You can think it, but saying it would be embarrassing for both of you. Try to enjoy your crush. But don’t follow her around too closely, as that might get to feel creepy. Keep a little distance most of the time, unless she approaches you.

How old are you? Write back with that information so I can give you a detailed answer that suits your age. I might suggest some harmless little “moves” — like helping her with projects at school — if you’re old enough. Try the friends approach first and don’t crowd her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am “just a housewife.” I heard my husband describe me as that to a friend of his out in our driveway. That phrase got into my head and it has made my blood boil.

I have stayed home with kids until they were in high school — two still are — and I kept an immaculate house for our big tribe. I cooked tasty nutritious homemade meals, keeping my family safe from most illnesses and seeing them grow strong. I drove them to most of their sports and drama practices. I cheered for them alone at concerts, in the front row, when their father couldn’t make it.

I gave up my beloved career, too. For what? To be described as “just a housewife?” I think I want my career back right now! It’s not too late and I can take upgrading courses on “HIS” money, and make my OWN money as a career woman and mother. What do you think?

— Tempted to Go Back To Work, Southdale

Dear Tempted: Either way — staying home to work or going back to work — you need to read him the riot act about being “just a housewife.” You have been a loving childcare provider, counsellor in times of trouble, chauffeur, chef and home entertainer for all your friends. You’re also a cheering squad at school performances and games, plus a loving and responsible role model.

I don’t know if you have been a good lover and companion to your husband, but if you have, throw that in as your final point! You have saved the family loads of money by working double shifts countless days a year.

Maybe it’s time to get your career back, or maybe your husband just needs an “ear ringer” — so he wakes up to appreciate the many roles you play working at home. Being a homemaker and stay-at-home parent is an amazing career, if you have the multiple skills and patience to do it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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