Overt competition offside in dating game

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This article was published 01/12/2021 (1720 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Now that I’m double-vaxxed and back in circulation to a degree, I’ve met two women I like, and have been casually dating. I’ve been honest with both of them about the other, and there’s been no sex with either, so I feel that’s fair.

Now, one them has told me she will stop dating anyone else if I want to be her exclusive lover. I want the sex alright, but it’s too early to drop the other lady and commit to this woman. I said I’d need a little time to think about it, and her chin came up. She left the restaurant as soon as the bill arrived. Where did I do wrong? For the life of me, I can’t figure it out.

— Confused Guy, St. Boniface

Dear Confused: “One at a time” is always the safest dating course, and you were juggling two, openly. When one of them started to feel emotions and desire, you told her to wait until you decided if you wanted her — or the other lady. No wonder she lost her taste for you; feelings were only budding on her side.

Emotional relationships are not about being sensible and being OK with competition. Being honest and telling this woman there was somebody else in the running only worked in the beginning — when she didn’t care.

Once she cared and confessed it, she was hurt by your coolness. No person with emotions and sexual desire flaring up wants to be told they’re still in competition with another woman. She certainly doesn’t want to be instructed to settle her emotions back down until the king makes a choice.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: With Christmas fast approaching, a seniors’ cookie exchange group once again invited me to join. The object was to bake 10 dozen cookies and bring them to a little party.

For every dozen you contribute, you receive a dozen. It’s a great way to get your Christmas baking done — and to socialize. To be honest, I don’t bake, so I bought cookies from a home baker — straight out of her kitchen. Fabulous cookies! Cookies are to be packaged in dozens, and signed with your name.

For whatever reason, when we got together for the exchange the other day, I quietly mentioned to one lady that I used a fabulous home baker. I could see her go from one lady to the next, telling them. They all looked at me like I’d done something illegal. I felt so awkward and embarrassed, I left and cried in the car.

The organizer called me later to say she wanted “to drop off my purchased cookies.” I didn’t do anything wrong, did I? And what’s the big deal anyway?

— So Hurt, North Kildonan

Dear Hurt: These ladies look at the annual exchange as a kind of gifting exchange that you cheated on. The signature on the cookies was a declaration of the baker’s identity. You signed, but they weren’t really your creation.

The reason you confessed to the woman beside you was probably because you felt and little guilty and wanted her to say it was OK. Unfortunately for you, she shamed you as a fake baker.

It’s understandable you wanted to be part of a fun social group, particularly at Christmas. This is simply not the right group for a non-baker. Check out the Manitoba Association of Senior Centres for a location near you at manitobaseniorcentres.com. Each centre offers many activities. Get involved in a few that really fit with your personality, interests and skills, and you’ll have fun and make a bunch of new friends.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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