Time to give rink a rethink, at least for this winter

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This article was published 27/11/2020 (2107 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband wants to build a backyard skating rink for the kids for the “COVID winter.” I’m dead against it. I’m afraid it will kill the beautiful grass I have planted and nurtured for seven years. He says I have a point, but what are the kids going to do this winter? If we are trying to stay home, they will soon be bored, and we all need to go outside, he preaches. We had a fight about this last night and the kids overheard it. They started crying that they wanted a skating rink and our youngest said I was a “bad mommy!” What do you think?

— Bad Mommy, Charleswood

Dear Bad Mommy: Manicured lawns were part of the old reality. Now there is another big consideration — a COVID winter. For one year, why not support your husband in making the skating rink a reality? Poles with coloured lights strung above the ice and music playing will make it feel magical.

You’ll also be helping your husband teach your kids to use creativity and resiliency in facing tough circumstances.

We all have to loosen up, in terms of creating new safe recreation, and becoming more resilient is important in every area. You don’t need a perfectly manicured backyard this year, but you do need a safe outdoor activity area this winter.

If you are gracious about this, your husband will want to help you plant grass again. Green grass likes to grow, if you re-seed it properly and make sure it gets good watering. Looking a little rough the first year? Put down sod for the area where you like to sit outside, and concrete pavers for a pad for the barbecue.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is in her late 60s and was considering a seniors’ complex before the pandemic. She is in good health — a longtime runner — just “a little lonely.” I suggested she move in with us. She ungraciously told me she wouldn’t come and live with us “or any other #$@&% relatives!”

We don’t know what to do with her. We just want her to be happy. Yesterday, when she told me on the phone she was “staying in her house until the day she dies” I told her not to be silly, as it would be dangerous and we wouldn’t let her do that.

She told me I don’t own her, and to back off, except her phrase started with an F-bomb! Whoa! What can we do with her?

— Oldest Daughter Blues, Transcona

Dear Oldest Daughter: Whoa, indeed! You’ve been told, and that means you’re going to have to re-assess your role in your mother’s life right now. You are not your mother’s keeper, nor her parent, nor her best friend.

She has told you she’s not a helpless old lady, and doesn’t need you to take over any aspect of her life.

You could learn to be a volunteer researcher and simply present her with all the opportunities and supports for seniors to live independently in their homes. If safety in the home (and out of it) is a concern, Victoria Lifeline (victorialifeline.ca) is a possibility, but since she’s still an athlete, it sounds like that would be more for your peace of mind than hers.

Her real concern, as she told you clearly, is loneliness. The grandkids might be a great help in hooking her up via apps such as Zoom where people can get together, and chat. That might suit her. Also you could make a phone and email list of all the relatives in the family, both here and outside Winnipeg, with “Our Family” written on the top, and send it out to other members of the family as well. That would be a welcome gift in most families, and not just to those living alone.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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