Dumping girlfriend during Valentine’s Day date scummy move

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This article was published 13/02/2016 (3855 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I have been sinking further and further into the mire lately. I am going to this “Valentine’s Party For Two” she has organized at a hotel room in Winnipeg. Really, I just feel like breaking up with her. I feel like not showing up at the hotel. She thinks she’s going to rope me back in with romance, candlelight and the sex she doles out, but only when she wants something.

She knows I’m drifting away so she’s trying to reel me back in. Should I break up with her this weekend and get it over with? I know it’s Valentine’s weekend, but I’m so sick and tired of her games My brother says that would be a really dirty thing to do, but I just want to get it done and not be phony all weekend. What do you think? Tell me on the 13th, please. — Sick of Her, Selkirk

Dear Sick of Her: Your brother is right when he says it’s a dirty thing to do — spoiling a special day. You really want to hurt and humiliate her, don’t you? Can’t you wait until Monday, when this special weekend she’s planned and paid for is done? That fancy backdrop with the hotel, decorations, food and drink just magnifies the hurt and reminds the person who was dumped every time the day comes around.

Just play along and be pleasant, and then you can lower the boom next week. She’s gone to a lot of trouble and expense. Is it such a big deal to put up with the goodies, treats and enthusiastic sex? It won’t kill you to leave the break up to a few days after Valentine’s Day when it will hurt less. You’ll still finish with the same effect.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I only have $10 to spend for Valentine’s Day, and I wonder if it’s worth giving my girlfriend some little thing or asking her if she can wait two weeks until I get paid. I am 16 and have a part-time job. — Love Her A Lot, North End

Dear Love Her A Lot: No, don’t ruin the day by asking for a two-week extension. Get creative instead. For $10, you can buy her one perfect rose and make a homemade card on the computer or with some coloured paper using a magazine with romantic pictures to paste on it. Or, you could draw a sweet picture of the two of you — even as stick figures — and write a little poem inside. You can start with the first two lines of that old favourite: “Roses are red/Violets are blue… “ She might keep that homemade Valentine all her life. Asking for an extension just makes you sound like a disorganized kid — and let’s hope you’re past that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife died a number of years ago and I have a new lady friend in her 50s. She is sweet and loving and I really like her a lot. I’m not ready to say “I love you” and bring up expectations I’m not ready for. I want to say something sweet on the Valentine’s card to go with the expensive chocolates I got for her. I don’t want to use the cheap words “I like you,” but what can I say instead? — Stuck in the Middle Ground, Selkirk

Dear Stuck in the Middle: You don’t have to “cheap out” with the lame “like” word, instead, write something like this: “These chocolates are for a very sweet and beautiful woman who is… ,” then list half a dozen of her best characteristics and sign your card Very Affectionately. That should make her feel good and it will probably earn you some sweet affection, as a bonus! And you’re not committing.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I really like a girl at school and I want to phone her on Valentine’s Day and talk to her. I like hearing her voice, and one time we talked for an hour and then she kissed me goodnight on the phone. I want to do that again. We haven’t been hanging out because I live on one side of the city, and she moved to the other side. Should I phone her? What should I say? — New at This, Age 13

Dear New at This: Yes, phone her and say, “I’m calling to wish you a happy Valentine’s Day. Do you have time to talk?” That could be the start of a very nice conversation, and maybe another kiss. If she says she’s busy, then just let it go by saying, “OK, we’ll chat another time. Have a great day!” (That’s only likely to happen if she has another boyfriend now.)

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a woman in her 30s with a bit of a problem: I’m pregnant and my boyfriend doesn’t know. I don’t for sure if he would be pleased or not if I told him on Valentine’s Day. He’ll be shocked for sure because we always use two methods of birth control, but that one little swimmer just got through. I will keep the baby no matter what he says. What do you think? — Pregnant Valentine, Windsor Park

Dear Pregnant Valentine: If you and your boyfriend had been trying to get pregnant, it would be a fine time to announce your success. But since this didn’t appear to be in the plans at all, keep it a secret for another week or so, and then start dropping some hints — strong enough ones that he starts to play with the idea in his mind. He may be the kind of guy who needs a week’s turnaround before he comes to his final feelings about a surprising thing — especially when it’s this big.

So get started on that process without the added pressure of Valentine’s Day. You’ve already decided you’re keeping this baby, so you don’t need to hear a bunch of arguments against that decision, on an emotional day.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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