Write enemy a letter, and ditch the negative emotions

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This article was published 31/01/2016 (3872 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have hatred in my heart for a girl who teased me and bullied me in high school. I need to express it, as it still makes me angry to think of it, and I think of it often. I just heard she moved back to Winnipeg and lives in our old neighborhood. Should I call her up and tell her off? I could get her email address from a friend of a friend. Would it be better to do it online? Should I send her a letter in the mail?

If I phoned her she might just hang up before I got it out. What is the best way to get the message to her? She does not deserve to get away with what she did to me! I wanted to go over there, knock on her door and tell her off, but my husband convinced me that could end in violence. I don’t want violence, I just want her to get what she deserves from my lips, and I don’t care who’s listening.

— Angry Victim, West End

Dear Angry Victim: This is tricky. You want to get your message through and you don’t want to be shut down in the middle and you don’t want to have police coming to haul you away. You also don’t need the message to be sent in a way that gets passed around — sending her something online is a fast way to get things sent around the world. She’s less likely to send around a letter that’s on paper because she’s unlikely to type it into the computer.

From your list, that eliminates both the personal visit and the online message. You are left with the paper letter and the phone call. She can slam the phone down, but she will probably be too curious when she sees a letter in the mail not to open it. Nobody gets them anymore. So, write her a letter. Before you send it, show it to a level-headed person. Ask her to help you polish the letter and take out stuff that makes you look crazy.

You should also go to a counsellor who will help you get this anger out of your system so it doesn’t compromise your health any more than it has. Carrying that stuff around is like carrying a little garbage can around inside you. Get rid of those nasty emotions so you are able to think back about the old days without those negative emotions attached.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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