No point getting custom-made ring back

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This article was published 12/02/2016 (3856 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I bought my girlfriend a Valentine’s gift and gave it to her early, but then she dumped me soon after. It was an expensive ring and I want it back, as it cost close to $1,000 to have it custom made with her initials. I called her and asked for it back, but she said no. She won’t take any more of my calls now, and told a mutual friend to tell me I’m not getting the ring back ever. She says a gift is a gift. What should I do? — Want the Ring Back Now, Charleswood

Dear Want the Ring Back: Let’s put emotion away for a moment, and this think out (I can see the steam coming out of your ears all the way from Charleswood). That gift is not easily returnable for a refund because the person who created it for you put in all those hours, and that ring has your former girlfriend’s initials on it, so no one else is going to want it. Also, by keeping the ring, you can take some pleasure in the fact she will look at it and think of you.

You don’t mention why she dumped you. Something fairly important must have happened for her to break up with you just before Valentine’s Day, after receiving that gift. Was she expecting an engagement ring and got second prize instead? It’s likely she thought you were having a diamond ring made for her. Write back and fill in the blanks, please.

Just so you know, the worst thing you can give a woman who thinks she’s getting an engagement ring is a lesser piece of jewelry that makes it clear a wedding between you is not happening in the foreseeable future, or perhaps ever.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got married to my wife a long time ago on Valentine’s Day. To this day she has never given me anything on that special anniversary. I’m supposed to buy her a special gift and card and flowers every year, and she just receives the gifts and gives me a peck on the cheek. We don’t even have sex on Valentine’s Day anymore; in fact, we never have sex at all. We don’t have any kids because she doesn’t want the bother. She doesn’t want to sleep with me because I snore and she won’t use earplugs.

Am I expecting too much — a warm marriage? I gave up having kids for her and it’s not too late for me to be a father. We are both 38. You know what I really feel like giving her, since she’s so cold to me? Separation papers! Should I? — Totally Fed Up & Out of Love, Winnipeg

Dear Totally Fed Up: Separation papers are a nasty Valentine’s “gift,” but how about you introduce the state-of-the-marriage talk today, starting with her lack of Valentine’s gifts for you; her feelings about the lack of lovemaking; the fact you still want children and she doesn’t; the total lack of sex and sleeping together; and finally, what marriage means to both of you, and if you’d like to end it.

You’re not much more than roommates now, and you still want babies. Maybe it’s time you both moved on. It sounds like your wife might like to end it, too. There is no good time to discuss a cold relationship and possible separation, so see a domestic lawyer ASAP and find out what you need to know about the legalities involved in splitting up, and then talk to her.

At this point, you could still find a family-loving woman and your wife could find a no-kids guy who wants to participate in other adventures. Why try to save this marriage just because it’s a marriage? There needs to be more compatibility than you two have in order to fight for it.  

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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