Yes, you are being a vain nitwit

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/03/2016 (3851 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a person with a visual problem. I’m not exactly blind, but I don’t see very well. I understand there might be things that assist me in seeing better or adapting, and my doctor has been encouraging me to look into what they offer at CNIB, but I just don’t want to. Very few people know I have a problem unless I tell them. My husband says I’m being a vain nitwit.

—Seeing Poorly But Privately, Winnipeg

Dear Seeing Poorly: Stubbornness is only helpful when you’re pushing for the greater good. You’re just creating an unnecessary degree of handicap for yourself, which also affects your husband. That’s why he’s complaining. If you want to operate at full capacity, you’re going to have to dump the vanity (as in “I can see perfectly well, thank you!”). At CNIB, they do have a little shop full of helpful living aids and inventions. Why not stop in by yourself and check it out?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: How can I find out what happened to my older sibling? Following a tragic event many years ago, he completely cut off my family, and disappeared from our lives. I think it could have been mental illness that people were ill-prepared to handle back then, but I’m not sure. I would like to know if he’s still alive, but have no idea where to look. He’s not on any social media. Any suggestions?

— Want to Know, Manitoba

Dear Want To Know: Social media is very limited for this type of search. Some people want to stay lost, and have even changed their names to disappear, but most people just change locations. They still have addresses, phone numbers, credit cards and, sometimes, criminal records. To see if your sibling may have died, you can do a search of online obituaries and newspapers in libraries, with the help of a librarian. Since you think this sibling may have had a mental illness, you might also search institutions and homeless shelters.

But your first step, which could cut down the out of town work, is to question every single relative, and record the conversations so you don’t forget names and other details. Somebody in your tangle of relatives of different ages will know more than you do, very likely your parents, aunts, uncles or grandparents. When there’s been a falling out in the family, sometimes old friends and a few relatives may still secretly be in touch, or at least know where the person may live. Let it be known you are going to look until you find him, and some people will probably say, “Oh well, someone might as well tell her!” Private investigators can often find a person in a few days, but you really have to check their credentials.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography