Finding another bra the last straw

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/03/2016 (3830 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: As I was folding the laundry a few weeks ago, I pulled out a bra that did not belong to me. It was stuck to a sheet and was a see-through light colour. It looked like a bump on the sheet. My husband had changed the sheets on the bed, which was unlike him, and must have accidentally dumped the bra into the pile for me to wash. (He would never think of actually doing the laundry himself.)

When I confronted him with the bra, he said I was “crazy” and it must be mine. The bra was obviously too big for me! I’m a C cup and she is a DD or bigger. It said right on the tag. Anybody would know you can’t fill up a melon-sized bra cup with an orange.

I believed I knew who the bra belonged to. I handed him the bra and said, “Bring it back to where it belongs, and stay there!” He said, “No! I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you,” and pulled my hair really hard. He is now treating me like I did something wrong.

Last week, I found he had pretty much cleaned out our joint bank account and then told me he was “giving me an allowance,” like I can’t be trusted as an adult. What should I do? I don’t work full time because he’s a plumber, makes lots of money and likes the house spotless and home-cooking every night, like his mom used to do. I’m a bit scared of him to tell you the truth — he had physical fights with his last girlfriend and had to get mandated counselling over it. The bottom line is I want out and big boobs is welcome to have him. Please help.

— Scared But Ready To Leave, Winnipeg

Dear Scared: Do you have somewhere you can move where there are other people — hopefully with at least one guy under the roof — such as your parent’s place or a brother’s house? Potential abusers don’t come calling as easily with another man around. It wouldn’t be smart to get your own private spot now, even if you go a second job fast. Once he’s truly hooked up with DD lady, or some other woman, he won’t care about bothering you. Just don’t be a sitting duck in your own place, and be sure you pay what you can afford to help out where ever you stay.

If you don’t have friends or family to stay with, contact Willow Place emergency shelter at 204-615-0311 and talk to someone there about your options.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is a reply to Sad Young Husband in Selkirk who has the restless wife he calls the nocturnal ghost. I’m in the exact same scenario, except I’m the sleepless wife. Every night between 2 and 4 a.m. I’m wide awake, and will often pace the house in the dark. I can’t sleep through the night, and I’ve found that getting up and looking outside or petting the animals helps to soothe me back to sleep. Staying in bed when I can’t sleep is like a jail sentence, I just need to move.

I just wanted to let him know there’s probably nothing sinister about his wife’s roaming actions. I don’t even take my phone when I leave the bedroom for a late-night wander. Sometimes you just need to get up and move around before getting back into bed and committing to sleep for another four hours.

I would be interested to hear what your other readers have to say, and if anyone else has the same problem. I’ve tried staying up later, working out harder and limiting my caffeine intake, but nothing seems to change the wide awake feeling that comes around 2 a.m.

— Sleepless, St. James

Dear Sleepless: OK unwilling night owls, let’s put it out there: what do you do when you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep for several hours? What helps you sleep again? Please write or email your solutions to the addresses at the bottom.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography