Accept family’s help to deal with tragedy

By: Miss Lonelyhearts Posted: 2:00 AM CDT Wednesday, Mar. 16, 2016

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a recently widowed mother of three young boys, one of them a newborn. After my husband's death, I moved back to my dad's place. Now my dad needs to move out and sell the house. He was hesitant about leaving me all alone, but I told him I was ready. Fortunately, my dad is still holding out on selling his house and letting me stay there as long I need to.

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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/03/2016 (3856 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a recently widowed mother of three young boys, one of them a newborn. After my husband’s death, I moved back to my dad’s place. Now my dad needs to move out and sell the house. He was hesitant about leaving me all alone, but I told him I was ready. Fortunately, my dad is still holding out on selling his house and letting me stay there as long I need to.

The truth is I don’t think I’m ready to become a true single parent all by myself. My sister and best friend have both seen me struggle. They have offered to put their own lives on hold in order help me, which makes me feel guilty. Should I just swallow my pride and accept their help?

— Recent Widow, Winnipeg

Dear Recent Widow: Accept their loving help. You and the little kids need all you can get right now, and people want to help and will feel good about it in their hearts. You are a new widow with a baby, for heaven’s sake. For the baby’s sake, for yours, and for the other two boys who lost their daddy and need people to hold them and play with them, open your arms and graciously accept all the help that is offered. This loving sister and your best friend want to help and will become very close with your boys through the experience — a sweet thing for them.

If it were the other way around, you would want to help, right? So don’t push them away. Shower them with love and thanks. You will feel a little stronger week by week and not slide into a pit of exhaustion and depression. It’s not fun to be a martyr, and nobody enjoys a martyr, so don’t go that route. This is a chance to recover your family’s life faster. When friends and family encounter their own trouble down the road — and everybody will — be right there with your love and support.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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