Find out if husband’s affair resulted in any children

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/03/2016 (3477 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in regards to One Who Knows, the woman who found out about her husband’s past infidelity. I, too, am going through this incredibly horrible journey. I’ve been married 45 years and found out just three years ago. The news hit me like a ton of bricks. He cheated on me when he was in his early 20s. We were married young. He waited to tell me because Manitoba opened the adoption records and there is a possibility a child was produced from a certain union. I knew her too! He also disclosed there were others, including my best friend, though it never went past kissing, he said.

We’ve gone to counselling, with some success. I could never even the score. Two wrongs don’t make it right. I hope I can heal because my husband has said many times he “wants his wife back.” It is much worse knowing his partners. Many times I’ve wanted to write the person he had the affair with to ask her how she could have done that, but then my sense kicks in. At the moment, no one knows about this other than our therapist. Our children and grandchildren would be devastated.

— One Who Also Knows, Manitoba

Dear One Who Also Knows: It’s time to stop doing what doesn’t work. This is like a tooth with a cavity, and you need to clean it out before you can fill it. That might mean phoning up a few people (don’t put things in writing on paper or online). You know the person your husband had the affair with, so ask her for a talk. You may also find out one of her children is your husband’s grown-up child, and that would hurt deeply, but you already spend so much hurtful time wondering, you might as well know for sure.

Hopefully you have stopped being friends with the best friend who betrayed you. Give her another piece of your mind, as part of your own cleansing.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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