Break things off in person with new guy
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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/04/2016 (3495 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I let this man make love to me before I was ready emotionally, and now I feel less than interested in him, his stupid race car and his house he’s so proud of. I guess I feel disgusted with him because I feel kind of disgusted with me. How do I tell him why I don’t care for him that much anymore? I used to think about him day and night, and wonder what he looked like naked. Now I avoid his calls. How do I get rid of him nicely?
— Stupid Girl, Winnipeg
Dear Stupid Girl: Short breakups are better than long dragged-out harangues over why the feelings disappeared. My guess is you would still be interested if he was the right guy for you. To you he was more of a curiosity, a Mr. Right Now, and you were interested because of the novelty. If you ever catch yourself saying in your head, “Maybe if we had sex, it would be more exciting,” or you are only wondering what he looks like with his clothes off, you are looking at Mr. Wrong.
When you break things off with a new guy, you owe him more than a text if you’ve been dating regularly. A text is an insult unless all you’ve ever done with the person is texting or sexting. If you have been Facebook messaging and only had a few dates, then wait until he messages you next and say, “I don’t know about you, but this doesn’t seem to be working out for me. I’m sorry.” Then he can save face and say: “Yeah? Well it hasn’t been working out for me, either!”
But if you’ve been seeing each other for a month or so, and the guy is crazy about you, he may want to meet and get an explanation. Give him a chance to ask a few questions, and have them answered. You could do it on the phone or meet him in a public place such as a bar or restaurant and have a friend pick you up. The next time, you’ll pay attention to your own pattern. You need to build up a friendship with someone you’re physically attracted to, and then think about having sex. If it’s the right guy, you’ll feel closer, not repelled.
Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6
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