Rotten apple can’t ruin Halloween for rest of the family

Opinion

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This article was published 29/10/2016 (3270 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My daughter and her father are giving me a hard time, and my husband’s calling me Halloween Humbug. My husband and my 10-year-old daughter love Halloween and I think it’s stupid. My son, 13, doesn’t want to go out anymore, so he’s going to a party instead, but my daughter really wants to go out.

This year I’m dragging my feet. I know this much: I’m not handing out candy at the door, and I’m not going out in the cold to trick or treat. I’ll turn off the lights and I will watch a movie downstairs. Her dad even bought her a costume. Help! — Halloween Humbug, West End

Dear Halloween Humbug: BOO! Guess what? It’s not all about you. When there are two parents, you don’t get to make a “No Halloween” decision for the whole family. Here’s a new way to do Halloween in your family if you don’t want to sit by the door all night: leave your outside light on and put a big bowl of treats on the step/porch and a sign that reads “Please take two.” Wish your daughter and her dad a happy Halloween, then put on your wet blanket and get out of the house with a friend for dinner and a movie.

Ask your husband to help your daughter get her costume together and get her organized with a treat bag and mitts. Then your daughter and her friends can have a great time together on their rounds with daddy, who can capture some memories on his camera.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There is this idiot who comes to our neighbourhood Halloween party dressed in complete disguise every year and goes around the party saying in a fake voice: “I bet you don’t know who I am.” Of course we do, and I’m just dying to shout out his name since he makes such a to-do about it. Last year I almost outed him. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t! —Bustin’ To Do It, Westwood

Dear Bustin’ To Do It: Please don’t out him, for two reasons: because it’s mean bully behaviour and it would break his heart. This fellow gets a huge thrill out of thinking he’s fooling everyone, so why not let him do it? This may be the thrill of the whole year for him.

Stop thinking of him as an adult and think of him as a big kid inside, who loves to have a little fun at Halloween. Just don’t engage with him yourself. Let people who are willing to play along make all the guesses about his identity.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: After reading the article sent from Sad Daughter, who is angry about her widowed father’s new woman, I would like to say to her: who is the parent — the adult child or the dad? You are treading on thin ice. Your dad deserves to be happy again and you may push him right out of your life!

And it’s not fair to jump the gun accusing your dad of having an affair because he’s moved on. Your dad’s new love is making him happy. Why is that a bad thing? My dad passed away and there was nothing I wanted more for my mom than to see her happy again. Why don’t you try to find it in your heart to give his new lady a chance? She will never be your mom, but she could be a wonderful friend to you.— Seeing the Advantages, Winnipeg

Dear Seeing the Advantages: Did this Sad Daughter discussion ever hit a sore point for a lot of people. We’ve had a deluge of letters, and most on the same side, so we’re going to let the topic go after today. Here’s a few big points:

1) It’s time adult children suppressed their annoyance that dad has a new lady, unless they want to take their father in to live with them in their own home — not a popular move these days. Remember, older men often don’t do well alone, don’t take care of themselves, end up depressed and let themselves slowly die.

2) When a new woman pops up too quickly after the wife’s death, the bad timing may have happened innocently on the dad’s part. Some women come calling with baking the week after a wife’s funeral. Other men, who fear total loneliness after their sick wife finally dies of a long disease, do start seeing a woman before their wife actually dies. In cases where the man’s wife has not even recognized him for years, people should try to understand.

Send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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