Set requirements to avoid money-sucking leeches

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This article was published 01/11/2016 (3607 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just exploded! My boyfriend has been stealing money out of my wallet and other places. I’m so messy; my money flips around loose in my purse and wallet. I also keep some in my top drawer under my panties and in the fridge in case someone breaks into my house. But who would think the burglar in my apartment would be my boyfriend, who’s supposed to love me?

I found out when I came home early from work yesterday and heard my boyfriend bragging on the phone about how he “borrows” about $200 every month without me ever noticing. And then he laughed.

Last night, I kicked his sorry butt out the door and today he is phoning to say he loves me to the moon and back and was just joking to his buddy on the phone. Right!

I shouldn’t have even let him in here when he asked to move in with me after he lost his job. That’s not what a real man does, is it?

That’s not love, is it?

— Working Hard for My Money, Downtown

Dear Working Hard For My Money: No, it’s not love or respect, and you never want to live with a leech and a thief ever again, so create standards. Start with this one: no man lives with you in your affordable-for-one apartment unless you are in love forever and he has a steady job and pays half of everything. Sound tough? You need to be tougher.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a hot-looking, muscular guy at my favourite bar. He seemed nice, but when I took him home that night, he failed at sex. That made him angry at me and he left. Now he just watches me at the bar with nasty eyes. I feel those eyes on me everywhere I walk, when I’m dancing with other guys, all the time. He doesn’t speak to me.

Should I stop going to my favourite bar? If so, why should I be the one who has to stay away? I didn’t do anything wrong.

— Totally Innocent, Winnipeg

Dear Totally Innocent: You can feel his nasty feelings and you need to trust your intuition — a brain mechanism that warns you away from danger. Don’t ignore it again. You need to stop going to that bar now, at least long enough for him to stop going to leer and obsess.

Now let’s talk about your side of this mistake. You took home a stranger from the bar for sex the first night you met him without knowing anything about him besides how he looked and what he might have said to you at the bar. Do you know how dangerous that is? Were you drinking too much, or lonely, or did you find him sexy? Was he polite? A fair number of bad guys are polite and charming when on the hunt.

He could have told you a false name, hurt you badly (or worse) and disappeared into the night. The next time you meet a guy you like at a bar, make a date to meet him for coffee that week and use your own car or take the bus or a cab. Don’t accept a ride home. Get to know the man as a real human being on a few dates that don’t end with sex. If he’s just looking for fast sex after the bar, he won’t show up. No loss.

It is just as dangerous to go home with a stranger to his place, or to your place. Taking him to your place shows him the path right to your door. Going into his vehicle to his place, or who knows where, takes you out of your element, away from your friends and neighbours, and anything could happen.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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