Hairy armpit-grooming situation

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This article was published 04/02/2017 (3223 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend has beautiful long, thick, dark hair, which I love, but recently she has grown long dark armpit hair to match. It is so bushy they look like men’s pits. I hate them. I’m known for being a funny guy, always going for the laughs, so I shaved my armpits in retaliation. It backfired. I hoped she would be horrified at my feminine pits and then we could strike a bargain.

She said, “The joke’s on you, funny boy. I really like them. Now, why don’t you oil up your muscles like the guys at my gym, and give me a real thrill.” She’s got a mouth on her and she’s got me beat, unless you can think of a return play for me.

— No Muscle Man, Winnipeg

Dear No Muscle Man: You would have gotten a lot further if you had kept quiet about the pits until she asked, and then said nicely, “Truthfully, I’m not crazy about long armpit hair, but I love you the way you are, and it’s your decision to make about personal things, such as hair wherever you want it.” The same goes for beards and mustaches and haircuts for you. You both must love the person inside, right? Unless it’s something foolish, such as shaving off one side of your beard and mustache and leaving the other side standing!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a very bad man at a party last weekend who acted like a really nice guy. I went home with him, but when we got to his house and he slammed the door shut and locked three locks, my spidey sense finally kicked in. He said, “Stay right here — or else.” Then he went into the bathroom to relieve himself with the bathroom door open. I grabbed my coat and took off out that front door, cut through some yards and got to safety where I could call a cab. I only wish my warning senses had kicked in earlier. What do you suggest?

— Scared Witless, Winnipeg

Dear Scared Witless: You don’t go home with a stranger on the first night and for many nights after. It isn’t smart and it isn’t safe. Some men who appear the most charming are neither charming nor trustworthy, but they can put on an act to get you alone. Anybody can keep up a friendly ruse for a few hours.

Most guys who are looking for fast, perhaps rough, sex with a woman are not up for putting in a bunch of dates, so you can sort those types out quickly by agreeing to some dating only in public places. Given time with a new guy and discussion of all kinds of things from the weather to political topics to family and personal histories, you can make a better judgment.

Still, if a guy doesn’t care about you and just thinks you’re hot, you may not know what you need to know about him for a long time. It is good within the context of dates over coffees and meals to bring up topics that might raise some disagreement, even anger, to see how he handles that.

Really, there is no need to go home with some random guy you met a few hours earlier, no matter how cute or charming he appears to be.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I work six days a week and then I collapse on Sundays. I have my own fast-growing business and this is my choice, but it is getting me nowhere fast, romantically. My husband left because I am a workaholic and he said I was no fun after we got married. He says I’m married to my job. He’s right. I’m not going to change that because I have a dream. He says the dream doesn’t include him. I guess he’s right again. What should I do?

— Lonely Business Type, St. Vital

Dear Lonely Business Type: Get involved in business groups where you can meet other workaholics and consider making your one day off Saturdays together, not Sundays. You can have a love life as well as a working life. That helps to counteract growing burnout, which can happen to all people who are complete slaves to their business dreams. You already sacrificed a husband, don’t also sacrifice your health to the hamster wheel of your present working schedule.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is regarding Thinking Hard, the woman who wants to leave her cheating husband and has a young boy who overheard his dad on the telephone with his girlfriend.

First and foremost, I strongly suggest she gets good, solid legal advice about her situation and also some counselling for herself before she explains the details to her young son and opens the can of divorce worms with her husband. She needs to get her ducks in a row before she confronts her cheating husband, lest she enlighten him and he sets the stage. She has a lot to lose and preparedness is key. She needs to act, and not react.

And for the love of her child’s development, don’t tell him too much right now. Give him just enough, on a need-to-know basis.

— Helpful Warning, Winnipeg

Dear Helpful Warning: You’re right. Damage control is important for her, her boy and the continued parenting relationship with both his parents. If you lose your cool and yell out every ugly thing you know, you could harden your custody situation and hurt your boy emotionally. Everybody needs help, and that includes counselling for you and your husband, even if the marriage is inevitably ending.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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