Children did nothing for aunt’s inheritance

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This article was published 05/05/2017 (3413 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My aunt died and left me a bunch of money — five figures — because I used to go to visit and play cards with her. Sometimes I would be her only visitor all week.

I am in my early 50s and don’t see why I should reveal to my adult children how much money I got, although they are after me to tell them. I wish I hadn’t bragged about inheriting anything.

Do I owe it to them to share? They never went to see her. What do you think? — Upset Heir, North End

Dear Upset Heir: You don’t owe it to them to carve it up equally, so tell them there’s no way it’s an equal split. It had to be earned in some way. That’s why you got it.

But if it’s a large five-figure inheritance, then give them a little bit as a mom gift, say a couple thousand. It won’t kill you and they will like getting something from you.

But ask each one how much they did for their aunt and how often they went to see her and how much they think they deserve. People are often fairer than you think they will be if you lay out the reasoning. Someone who did nothing gets, say $1,000. Someone who did more gets $2,000 or $3,000.

It’s an idea to keep the peace without being angry at yourself for giving a lot of it away when it was meant for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got into a big fight with my sister and I didn’t mean to hit her, but she said some stuff that was so mean I accidentally punched her and gave her a black eye.

My arm just shot out of the socket. I didn’t think to myself, “I’m going to punch her.” She called me a fat cow, the C-word and a bunch of other names.

She has beaten me up before because she is older, but now I have grown and I’m in sports and bigger than she is, and she needed to learn a lesson.

Too bad it shows, because then my mother said she couldn’t go to school like that because her teachers might think her parents were beating their child. The worst part is now I’m getting the silent treatment from my sister who is missing school because of the “flu.”

What can I do? I begged for her to forgive me and start talking to me again and she won’t. — Big Awful Family Mess, Winnipeg

Dear Big Awful Family Mess: This may sound weird at first, but the best way to deal with the silent treatment is to have as little as contact as possible with that person. Stop begging, stop being around and don’t relay the school news to her. She will soon stop seeing the use for her silence tactic.

You should also set up a deal with your mother to order a talk between the two of you to work this out. My guess is this talk won’t work very well until that black eye is no longer showing.

How old are you two girls? Please email me back with a few more details than you have given. Are you in the same school?

Could you go to a counsellor and say, “I gave my sister a black eye because I lost it when she called me the C-word and that’s why she’s not at school and not talking to me. Can you help me with this?”

That way no one will mistakenly think your parents are beating her and she can return quickly before she’s lost too much time away from school and assignments.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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