Sometimes golfing is the best revenge

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This article was published 11/05/2017 (3405 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a golf widow again and I want revenge. My husband was gone five evenings last week. He tells me to go shopping using his credit card — anything to get me off his back. I spent the last two of those five evenings helping a youngish widowed gentleman plan his backyard and garden. At the end of the second night, he put his hand over mine briefly and said, “It’s so nice to have a lady here.” I didn’t think he was coming on to me, but when I left he said, “Come back often and we’ll make beautiful gardens together.”

Later, I realized that except for one word he had said to come back and make beautiful music together, and you know what that means! What do you think of doing that idea? — Golf Widow, Winnipeg

Dear Golf Widow: You want me to advise you to have an affair to get even with your husband? What are you thinking? That would be bad and possibly dangerous revenge, unless you want a divorce. If you want to get even properly, sign up for golf lessons on your husband’s credit card at a different course with a handsome golf pro. Take lessons with him until you can make that ball sail and putt like a champ. Put your husband off joining you for a game until you’re a competent golfer and he’s dying of curiosity. Make him beg! My guess is he will want you to join his club, too. That would be the best situation for your marriage if you can swing it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We’re a poor but welcoming family with a large number of children on weekends combined from our two marriages. Sometimes there will be 10 of us in our little three-bedroom house. We don’t mind, as we’re having fun together. It’s like being at the cottage with guests. There is the girls’ room and a boys’ room with two bunk beds in each, and our room (my wife and I and our baby).

When kids from the neighbourhood come over, we make room for more at the dinner table and have a big pot of stew or chili and make more garlic toast. The other day this kid my young son likes, an only child, was sitting at the end of the table swinging one foot, holding onto his giant piece of toast, looking happy. He announced fairly loudly, “My parents say you need a bigger house because it’s pretty crowded in here.”

Things got quiet, so I asked if he was having fun with us. He said he was — it was more fun than his empty house where he has to turn the TV on for company. Then he thought for a minute and said, “I like your nice little house.” Man, I almost cried. Since then, our kids have stopped complaining about the crowded house and I have stopped feeling guilty about not being able to provide a bigger house for my large family. I just thought I would share that story with other parents who don’t realize how rich they are in their small houses with lots of kids. Now, I call the place “our nice little house” and the kids actually smile, remembering what our young neighbour said. — Never Lonely or Bored, North End

Dear Never Lonely or Bored: Congratulations for not taking the parents’ criticism to heart. It’s great this little boy gets to come to your house, hang out and be one of the big family group. Someday he may feel confident in having a spouse and a big family himself, knowing that a bedroom for each person and lots of space is not really necessary. You might consider having his parents over sometime for a spaghetti dinner, so they can understand how much fun it is all being together, and will stop making negative comments to their boy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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