Have husband followed to see where he goes

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This article was published 07/05/2017 (3384 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know my husband tells me unnecessary lies that make him look like Mr. Good Guy. He’ll brag about the amount of donations he makes to charities, forgetting I do the taxes in April and see the receipts. He lies about favours he does for male friends that I later find out from their wives were not done. He lies about buying flowers for his mother.

All these lies make me wonder what is wrong with his head. I married him because I loved him, and now he ‘s trying to impress me by convincing me he’s a great, generous guy. Why? It makes me wonder if he lies about other things, too. Underneath it all, I wonder if he lies about where he goes two evenings a week. He says to a men’s secret charity organization. I also wonder if he’s really going away for the long weekend this month to help a friend do some cabin renos. It’s starting to smell strongly of bullcrap around here.

He doesn’t seem to have much appetite for sex with me anymore, either. In fact, he yawns as he takes off his clothes and slips into bed wearing a T-shirt and shorts, and most often makes excuses about how he’s too tired to have sex. He was always a man with a big sexual appetite. Could that have changed? Is it true a leopard doesn’t change his spots? I met him when he was married, and I chased him until I got him, so I’m no angel. Even so, should I have him followed?

— Don’t Trust Him, River Heights

Dear Don’t Trust Him: You already know he’s a liar, and now it seems he’s trying to compensate with the good-guy image because he knows his halo has slipped and hopes you won’t notice. (He also remembers you chased him when he was married, so he isn’t feeling all that guilty.)

If you really want to know what’s going on, ask him. Because he’s a liar, he may try to shame you for thinking badly of a poor guy who’s just trying to do good in the world. Plus, it would tip him off. If you want to see if he’s having an affair and with whom, don’t send him further underground.

Hire somebody to follow him or have a friend — preferably a woman, who would be less suspect — watch for his vehicle when he says he’s at work and follow him when he goes to his charity meetings. You might want to see a domestic lawyer first and an accountant to be prepared, should there be a breakup.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dad used to be a leader at a very conservative church. He stopped believing in God when the people most important to him died suddenly. Now he’s getting close to death himself and is struggling. He wants to talk about religion and argue with me because he’s scared of what lies ahead. He’s afraid of the eternal flames of hell, something he was taught to believe in as a child. I’m not the one to do this. I don’t know what to say. Help!

— Confused Atheist, Manitoba

Dear Confused Atheist: Ask your father if he would like to talk to a few people of different faiths so he can ask his questions of them. Perhaps you could choose those of milder beliefs than the background he came from, or maybe he wants to see someone from his old church who understands his rejected belief system. If he’s already in hospital, the hospital will have relationships with a number people from different faiths who visit and talk to patients. If your dad is at home, call around to arrange house visits, if possible. If any readers know more about this kind of service, please write in and help out.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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