Bad weekend turns woman off children

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This article was published 12/07/2017 (3323 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I went to the lake with my sister and her screaming brats. It was such a bad experience, I came home to my husband of two years and told him I didn’t care if we ever have children. He looked crestfallen. The next day he confronted me and asked if what I said was true and I told him it could come to that.

Then he said, “Part of the reason I married at all was because I wanted to settle down and have children with a women I love.” Then he walked to his car and went for a long drive. He has become very quiet in recent days. I don’t know what to say to him and I didn’t take it back about having kids. Is my marriage falling apart? That would be terrible! Please help me figure this out. I just can’t stand brats.

— Turned Off Brats, East Kildonan

Dear Turned Off Brats: Your sister and her “screaming brats” don’t represent all couples with kids. Some little ones are fine at the lake, and some don’t do well in unfamiliar surroundings. They can end up a year or so later loving lake life, but when kids are really tiny, the ones who need familiar surroundings to sleep and eat well end up hungry, over-tired and sometimes bitten by bugs who love babies. They feel awful and scared, have no words to explain, so they just freak out and cry.

Your husband reacted strongly because you made a definitive statement about not wanting children. Perhaps what you don’t want is another weekend like that.

If so, explain that to him ASAP. But if you really mean you don’t want children at all, and this was not a new thought born out of a frustrating weekend, then you owe it to your husband to tell him the truth, and let him pursue his family dream elsewhere.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a bad reputation for loving and leaving men. It’s because I love men — all men — and want to revel in the excitement of discovering a brand-new man, and everything about him. I really get into the core of a man, and find out everything. I ask a thousand questions. I’m sincerely interested in every aspect of him and what makes him tick.

That tends to make men fall in love with me, but when the experience of getting to know them comes to an end, I just watch them repeat behaviours and tell stories I already know. That’s when I get restless and have to move on.

I have broken many hearts, and I’m not proud of it. That’s why I’m writing you. I do feel badly. I warn men what to expect when I meet them, and they’re sure they can be the one who changes all that. You might think I’m lonely being like this, always on the hunt for a new guy, but never! I wish I didn’t hurt people, though.

— Lover and Leaver, Southdale

Dear Lover and Leaver: You’re not a lover of men at this point — you’re a fascinated but detached scientist, and your subject is adult men. You may like them, but you don’t love them. You turn them over and over in your hand, pull them apart and watch and study them until all the questions have been answered. Then it’s, “Next!”

As it stands, you’re discovering and rediscovering new examples of men, but you’re wearing gloves, not getting really close. A psychologist or psychiatrist would be able to work with you over enough time to discover what’s going on.

It would be better if you could learn to risk loving a man, and taking that inquisitive brain of yours into the sciences and really succeeding in research, making your living at doing what you do so well.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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