Leave husband’s dirty past behind you

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/08/2017 (2995 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new husband is a good man now, but he had a bad reputation before he quit drinking and doing cocaine. Now he seems like a very normal, sweet man. I never knew him when he was into drugs and alcohol.

Anyway, we had a party on the beach with a big bonfire and this drunk woman was there with her husband and turned to me and said, “I used to go out with your husband. I hope he’s changed for you because he used to be a very wild guy, if you know what I mean.”

I said stupidly that I didn’t know what she meant and she said, “Ask me about the threesomes and the group sex, dar-lin!” and I suddenly woke up to what was happening and yelled, “I’m not your dar-lin! Shut up and get out of here!”

My husband came running and asked what was going on, then he looked at the party-crasher at the bonfire and said he understood. He walked her out the back and returned in less than 30 seconds. I heard her car roaring away. Her husband had no ride home, but didn’t seem concerned. My husband kept ignoring calls on his phone. He told me she still had his number, so I told him to block her.

A part of me was still curious, though. An hour later, I asked for the threesome story and he wasn’t willing to give it to me. Apparently, she was part of the gang he hung out with when he was using drugs and drinking.

I asked how she was connected to the people at the bonfire and he said he didn’t know and that maybe her husband knew someone there. It sounded like a lie. I think she knew my husband had a cabin this summer and crashed the party to see him. 

Now I don’t know what to do. I was taking it on faith he was a totally new man with new friends. How do I cope with more of this? — Insecure About Him Now, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Insecure About Him Now: He did nothing wrong. If you let yourself feel insecure, this woman wins.

Unless you move away from Winnipeg, you’re always going to bump into people one or both of you know. You need to be ready for that to happen.

That means cutting off anyone with loose lips who wants to tell old stories and it means buying into your husband’s sobriety and his new way of living completely.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had my first kiss with a boy that wasn’t just a peck. It was very disappointing.

What is this tongue thing about? What’s so hot about it? I mean I knew about it, of course, but it just seemed to wreck the tender kiss. It was like this boy was all of a sudden trying to stick his tongue down my throat. I thought you just touched tongues for French kissing.

Kisses are supposed to be romantic. Do I have to do this wide-open mouth-tongue thing to be considered a grown-up kisser? — Yucky Tongues, Winnipeg

Dear Yucky Tongues: The tongue thing can be yucky, like your experience, or very exciting in a passionate embrace as some people feel, generally when they get a little older. It doesn’t make sense for younger girls like you when having your first kisses.

If the boy pushes you for a French kiss, just say, “Nope, I’m not into that yet. I’m waiting for the prince to come along and show me how it’s done right. Are you a prince?”

That should either shut him up or make him laugh.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I left my heart in Ontario when I moved back to Winnipeg this summer. My girlfriend promised she would follow me here when she got a line on a job.

I kept calling her to ask and finally I phoned her sister and her sister told me that she wasn’t making any effort to find a job here and believed my girlfriend was hoping I would eventually move back there.

I put down the phone and cried. We are a lesbian couple and I thought we were very happy, except for our lousy work situation. Then I got a big offer, took it and hoped the same would happen for her.

I don’t know what I should do. Stay here or move back to Ontario? — Going Crazy, Winnipeg

Dear Going Crazy: The deceitfulness of this — the secret plan to do nothing and force you to move back — would be enough to turn most people off.

This is not the kind of person you want in your life for good, but it seems you’re trying to let her off the hook by saying she said she would try. She never meant to.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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