His butt tattoo causing cracks in relationship

Opinion

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This article was published 08/11/2017 (2897 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I discovered my boyfriend has a tiny tattoo in the division line of his bum. He says he got it when he was drunk when he was younger. It’s the name of his old love in a heart.

He wanted me to get engaged to him this Christmas and I just can’t imagine taking our vows at the front of the church and having that girl’s name facing the crowd. Yes, I know they won’t see it, but I would know.

I didn’t notice it at first, but in more athletic acts of sexy lovemaking that followed, I discovered it. I was shocked. At first I laughed, but it wasn’t funny after a while. I asked him to have it removed, and he hasn’t. Yesterday, we had an argument and he said if the tattoo is what stands between us getting married, then it is a test of the strength of my love for him and that I don’t love the inside of him enough. Things are an awful mess now, and I’ve been crying a lot. Please help.

— Separated By His Awful Tattoo, Transcona

Dear Separated By His Awful Tattoo: Well, I guess the old girlfriend wins, and she doesn’t even care. But talk about the power you have bestowed on her! She’s actually scared you off, years after she disappeared.

This may come as a surprise, but a husband is not your property. You do get to say “my husband,” but you don’t get to dictate what’s on his skin or how he parts his hair, or how he lives the different aspects of his life. You hope he keeps loving you and being true to you. You both make that promise off the top, but you can’t guarantee anything.

This man is right when he doubts the depth of your love. And now he must feel pretty self-conscious when he’s putting on his shorts and you’re staring at his bum to see if that tiny tat peeps out. If you do love this man you need to do some serious thinking and see if you can get past this bit of ink, which is just a sign of his mad youth, not a declaration of his ex’s ownership. The removal of it should not be a deal-breaker if you love him to the core of his being.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just met a lady in Safeway who claimed she is the mother of my old girlfriend. She said she saw pictures of me all over the fridge when I was younger and her daughter was in love with me. That’s very strange. She doesn’t look anything like her mother did years ago, although she does look like her crazy aunt. Could it be the old girl is losing her marbles, her memory or both? She says she shops at the same Safeway I do and she can’t wait to run into me again. Should I correct her or just play it out when I see her coming?

— Weirded Out, Osborne Village

Dear Weirded Out: She may be losing it a little but she’s no harm. You might say, “You look more like my old girlfriend’s aunt now. Are you sure you aren’t teasing me? Is your name auntie, uh, … “ (wait for her name). If you and your old girlfriend are still on speaking terms, give her a call and tell her you think you met her combo mama-auntie at the store, ask her what’s going on and how best to handle it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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