Cheating husband can be persuaded to help with career

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This article was published 02/12/2017 (3167 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has another woman! She lives out of town. I hired a computer nerd to get information for me. My ignorant husband was making too many sales trips for a guy who owns a big company and has designated sales staff. And he was always going to the same area. How stupid does he think I am?

My husband talks to her as if he’s making plans to leave me. He swears he loves her. It’s quite sickening because he doesn’t love anything other than his money. We have no children to keep him tied to me. We stopped trying to start a family, partly because he is a terrible lover, if you can call it that. I was not a virgin when I married him, but he didn’t know that, and thinks there is no one to compare him to. Ha! I don’t know why she praises his lovemaking ability.

I don’t love him either, but we met online and he has kept me in high style and I have my own credit cards. I am writing my memoirs, which span two continents through war and peace. I may not love him, but I am a great cook, speak perfect English and am a good hostess. I have kept his house and gardens beautifully. He refers to me unkindly in his email as the overpaid housekeeper.

I don’t know what I’ll do if I have to go out to work as I’m an introvert and don’t have a lot of contacts. I made him my whole world, but she begs to be with him always and he says he will make it happen soon, which I know from living with him usually means nothing. Maybe he wants to keep me on as the housekeeper and have sex with her. Being kept would suit me, except it would be a big lie. Please help.

— Overpaid Housekeeper, Winnipeg

Dear Overpaid Housekeeper: You must figure out what you want to do as a career. It looks as though you have a working life ahead of you. It could be fun! A lot of people enjoy their work and the friends they make there. It’s unlikely your husband would resent sending you to a college or university, since he seems to want you to exit his life at some point. So, tell him you are bored and want to get into a career, and you’ll still keep the house up for him, then get busy looking at courses you could start in the new year.

Look at this as a beginning to an exciting new stage in your life. You’re lucky to have a wealthy husband to finance it. As a businessman, he may appreciate this as a good move for both of you. Or, he may not. Be very careful how you introduce this idea.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in regards to Difficult Situation, where the male employee wearing tight pants to work appears aroused all the time to other employees, who gossip about it. You suggested getting human resources to talk with him. I don’t see how this is any different from women showing cleavage.

I have always thought when women show cleavage or long legs, for that matter, (sometimes constantly crossing and uncrossing legs, even on national television) that women are unaware of the harassment they are peddling against men.

No one is suggesting women should go about looking dowdy but, in-your-face sex flaunts through tempting cleavage or very short skirts assail men’s sensibilities. The sight of a woman’s cleavage, bum or legs are hard issues most men have to contend with, but women go about nonchalantly dressed, as if men are immune to sexual harassment, even when we are all agreed that men are visual beings.

Seeking to ask why is like asking why it should be that only women have the privilege to give birth. It is nature, stupid!

— Sexually Harassed Man, Winnipeg

Dear Sexually Harassed Man: This guy who always looks big and aroused excites comment, but mostly secret boos from his co-workers. Men’s clothing is usually less provocative at work and at home, unless we jump to spring and summer when shirts come right off and guys run and bicycle in bare chests to get a tan — and to show off.

The muscled ones with a tan get noticed, but still no whistles and harassment from women.

In the workplace, particularly some restaurants, women are encouraged to be on display in short skirts, high heels and cleavage showing, and some well-built guys wear tight pants and shirts with their top buttons open. It may increase tips, but not loose comments from female customers.

Yes, women often take a look if a guy is attractive. And recently, men’s suits have gotten much tighter and shorter. In the jeans department, wide legs and low slung pants with “plumbers cracks” have pretty much disappeared in favour of tight jeans again. Younger women’s dresses have gotten so tight and short, they are elasticized around the thighs so they don’t hike up to their waists.

Guys don’t feel free to comment too much anymore, but some do, and usually in groups.

Is it harassment on either side to show off what you’ve got? It’s certainly inappropriate in office workplaces. Maybe the trick is to look if you want to, but not make comments.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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