Age difference provokes nasty criticism in community

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/12/2017 (2857 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a sweet girlfriend who is quite a bit younger. There is nothing we can do about that but wait until she grows up enough to get married. She is in her late teens and I’m in my late 20s. Her religious parents keep a tight watch on her and we don’t get out alone. They’ll let me come over to their house for dinner and a little religious discussion, but they don’t let us be alone together.

I totally understand her parents’ worries, but I’m a patient and shy kind of man and willing to wait for the love of my life to grow up, then I hope she will marry me.

Some people are critical of my attraction to her and quite nasty behind our backs. I didn’t go after her! It is only in response to her initial liking for me that I responded.

I wouldn’t have looked at a girl this much younger if she didn’t have eyes for me, and a serious interest in me as a person. As I got to know her, I found out she was the sweetest, purest, loveliest girl, and I adore her.

Why can’t people just accept our love and stop being critical of us just because of age? Our religions are the same, our values are the same and we want the same things out of life. How can people be so heartless when two people are in love?

— Don’t Understand, Manitoba

Dear Don’t Understand: Perhaps the people who are critical are not in your inner circle.

You say you are a shy man, but it would really be helpful if you pushed through that shyness to meet other people at church in a group with your girlfriend, so you’re not just an unknown guy who’s older. It’s easier to disapprove of someone you don’t really know.

A few busybodies of both sexes may offer their thoughts on your age difference, but you can cut them off by telling them nicely that they are entitled to their own opinions. Then smile, and change the subject. If they are determined to tie into you, say: “Excuse me, there’s someone I really have to speak to before they leave,” and physically move away from them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I appreciate your words to Sexually Harassed Man.

(The man who wrote defending the subject of a letter about a man who wears extremely tight pants that show his aroused, or simply sizable, privates, and upsets others at work. Sexually Harassed Man said the sight of a woman’s cleavage, bum or legs is a “hard” issue men have to contend with and is a form of sexual harassment.)

Really? Women have been sexualized since the times of orthodox religions. I’m a woman, and the one thing I thought was correct about your reply was that men go around bare-chested in the summer. Do I get to? No.

The parts of a woman that men find attractive are sexualized.

I happen to be (through no fault of my own) a very large-breasted woman. You have no idea of the unwanted sexual advances and sexual assaults! I can’t wear a turtleneck, nor do I want to. Why should I be ashamed of being a woman? Nature made it so you can see my breasts. Society has fed us many lines. One is that women are no different from men when it comes to arousal, but if I see a hot man, I keep it to myself.

— Having My Say, Manitoba

Dear Having My Say: Thanks for writing in to express your point of view.

As you guessed, some of your personal history and legal points would have taken up much more discussion than we can handle here.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6