Merriment in Mexico; miserable in Manitoba

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/03/2018 (3081 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just came back from holidays and I already want to return to Mexico. The contrast between my life in Mexico and my life here is overwhelming.

When I was there, I walked with energy and spoke to everyone, even strangers. I was the guy I used to be, before I got involved with work to the point where everything I thought about was work. I had become an asexual, pill-popping jerk at home, a lousy husband, a cranky dad to my teenagers and no fun. Everybody hated me, even me.

In Mexico, I was free of work, and the life of the party. My wife and I had wonderful sex every day, and the sun, surf and drinks brought me back to life. I cried looking out the window off the plane on the way home.

I don’t know what to do. I earn six figures, but I’m miserable and I make my family miserable. Please help.

— Workaholic Fool, Downtown

Dear Workaholic Fool: You need career-change advice, financial advice and personal counselling to look at the rest of your life ahead. You need to keep working, but you may be able to segue into a related field that’s not robbing you of your health, marriage and family.

First, say to yourself, before the lessons you learned in Mexico fade away: “I am going to make major changes this year. I am taking a fork in the road.” Don’t get totally sucked back into the rat race now that you’re home. Don’t quit your job either, but look for a new plan to set in motion.

Could you work for yourself in an offshoot of the business you’re in and make your own hours? Could you have an office at home? Do you have a secondary career skill you let fall by the wayside that could make a happy vocation for you?

Consider going to a career counsellor and do some of the comprehensive testing that reveals other forms of work you would enjoy, the work environment you would like and type of people you should be around. I did this! At age 30, after six years of teaching, I was confused. I was a good teacher, but I didn’t feel comfortable in that structured environment and I wanted to be with creative adults, creating things myself.

I took one of these tests. My top three best career results were entertainer, media person and naval officer (bossy ocean lover!). The tests can cost a couple hundred dollars, but they’re worth it. I went back to university for the third time: Carleton University in Ottawa for journalism. It was one of the best things I ever did for myself. A good book such as What Color Is Your Parachute 2018? by Richard N. Bolles would be great for you.

And don’t tell anybody you’re doing this — just do it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into a 350-pound man coming out of a doughnut shop. He had stood in front of me in the line and ordered six doughnuts and sat down and ate them all at the table next to me and my young son. He bought another box and was carrying them out to his car as we left.

I just knew he was taking them home to eat them himself. Before I could stop myself, I said to him out loud what I was just thinking in my head: “You’re worth more than a doughnut.” He shouted, “No, I’m not. You know nothing about my life!”

I told him I was sorry and shook all the way home in my car. My son didn’t know what to say to me. I still don’t know what to say to my son. Please help me.

— Mean Mouth, South End

Dear Mean Mouth: Here’s a little script to say to your son: “The other day, when we saw the big man with the doughnuts, I wasn’t watching myself and I accidently said out loud what I was thinking in my head. I hurt and embarrassed that man, and that’s why he shouted at me. I didn’t know that man and he was obviously hurting badly inside from something. He was a stranger, not part of our family or a close friend, so I shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe he was stuffing himself with treats to try to make the hurt go away.”

Good luck with this. It’s an important lesson for your son, and for you. Sometimes, we need to be careful what we say, and who we say it to.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography