Five kids enough for her, but he wants even more

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/03/2018 (3072 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I have a big family — five kids. I want to cut if off now, but he comes from a much larger family and loves it. He argues my pregnancies are easy and he has the money to support a big family. I think I should get a bigger say than he does. I love my kids and him, but I’m tired so much and nauseous for three months after I conceive each baby. What do you think?

— Ready to Stop the Baby Machine, Rural Manitoba

Dear Ready To Stop the Baby Machine: Unless he’s prepared to use his money to provide full-time help for you for a number of years, you should put your foot down. A worn-out mother is not as good a mom as one who has energy for fun things on top of housework and child-tending. And a worn-out wife may not be loving the sex anymore, especially if she connects sex with the chance another baby will be popping up.

Also, the older kids lose some of their own childhood by being stand-in parents for the younger ones. Most of the childless-by-choice women I’ve met were the oldest girls in the family, and already had their fill of childcare/parenting young kids before they left home. And they generally left home as fast as they could!

Are you afraid you can’t say “enough is enough” to your husband and five children is as much as you feel you can handle? Please write back and tell me what you’re afraid of in this regard. Does he dominate the family, including you? Is he afraid of getting the snip? There are other methods of birth control that don’t include a vasectomy or condoms — and you should remind him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just came back from a holiday in the sun where I had a crappy time the first week. My wife and I put up with rain every day for an hour or so. Big deal. The traffic was a bit heavy on the highway outside our hotel and noisy. Big deal. My wife complained about everything. Finally I said jokingly: “Fine, go home for the second week where you’ll be happier.” And she did. I made a few good friends the second week and had a much better time without her. Next year I want to go on my own and she can do whatever she wants. I told her this and she said: “But people will think our marriage is in trouble,” and I said: “It is in trouble, lady.” Now she’s sucking up like crazy, but I’m not feeling anything. She wants me to go with her to a counsellor at our church but I refuse.

— Sick of the Big Complainer, Winnipeg

Dear Sick: So try to imagine, in detail, what it’d be like to split and live apart. Where would you live? Would you miss your friends? Could you enjoy being single again? Would you miss your wife? If so, what would you miss about her? Is she usually a big complainer, or just on holidays? Maybe you two just need to travel with a friend and not with each other. Could that work?

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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