It can be fun being a fool, even if you have to kiss a dog

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/04/2018 (2751 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: On April Fool’s Day last year, I woke up after having way too much wine the night before. My wife, who’s a practical joker like me, had dressed up our big dog in one of her black nightgowns with all the sexy little straps in the back, and pushed our pooch under the covers in the bed with me. The dog likes to lie with her head on the pillow facing out, like my wife does.

My wife waited with her camera ready. I rolled over half awake, eyes still shut, feeling amorous. As is my habit, I grabbed the back of her nightgown with two fingers and slid over to kiss her on her back and said, “Good morning beautiful.” I did, and got a mouthful of grey dog hair. Yuck.

“April Fool! April Fool!” my wife was yelling, and the dog by this time was standing on all fours on the bed wearing the nightgown, looking down at my face with her tongue hanging out. My wife kills herself laughing every time she tells that story to friends, and keeps threatening to write you, so I thought I would beat her to it. I don’t mind laughing at myself today. — Her Big Loving Fool, River Heights

Dear Her Big Loving Fool: Couples who enjoy pulling pranks on each other can have a lot of extra fun in life as long as they’re both into it. Clearly you two are. Since your wife’s dined out on the story of this prank for a year, it’s time for a little prank from your side today. Get at it!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I want to do something for my mother for Easter. My wife is making a big dinner, and our three daughters will be here, of course. What can we do besides regular Sunday dinner? — Ambitious Dad, St. Boniface

Dear Ambitious Dad: In Britain people often have a “party piece,” an entertainment piece prepared that they perform at special dinners of the year, such as a song or poem. Your kids could sing Here Comes Peter Cottontail and hop over and give Grandma a basket of goodies with hugs and kisses.

For simple costumes, they could wear footie pyjamas and make tails out of white tissues folded like an accordion with an elastic in the middle and separated into layers for a fluffy tail. For ears, two side pigtails could be teased with a brush into floppy ears. Have fun!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I will read this early Sunday morning when it’s still not too late. My wife wants me to go to her Easter service with the kids at her church, and I usually go to my Catholic mass. She has been begging me to go with the family this year. What do you think? Without mass it doesn’t feel right for me. — Pulled Two Ways, Westwood

Dear Pulled Two Ways: You could go to both this Easter. Most church services are celebratory with lots of flowers and music. You can also go to mass, earlier or later. Then everybody in the family is satisfied: your wife has her whole family together at church to show off, and you will still get the special feeling you get from saying mass at Easter.

Please send your questions and comments to

lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts

c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave.,

Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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