When the heat is on, silver-tongued devil cools off

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/06/2019 (2632 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man who thrills me with his verbal stroking. He always calls me sweet names and admires all aspects of my appearance and clothing, and my femininity.

But, when he comes to Winnipeg and we have a weekend together, within the first 12 hours he criticizes me in some little way that hurts my confidence and makes me pull away.

It turns out he has on-and-off erectile dysfunction (ED) and my physical closeness and affectionate touching make him back away. I talked to him about it and pointed out the pattern, and he said it made him afraid he couldn’t perform when I got affectionate and made sexy remarks.

I can’t stop this joyful, natural part of myself, nor do I want to. I do love so much about this man, but I can’t take much more of this. What should I do? I love him so much and he is so intelligent and funny and everything I like in a man. Please advise. — Can’t Take His Turnoff Remarks, Polo Park area

Dear Turnoff Remarks: Experiment with being a bit distant for the first 12 hours the next time you see him. Put your hand out just a little and let him come to you on his own time. Let him really want more before you give it.

But, tell him right away the push-away insults have to stop, or you are gone. No one should put up with putdowns, no matter what the other person’s problem is. Let him know that well before you two plan another weekend again.

Also, is his health such than he can take an ED medication? He could get that thoroughly checked out with his doctors, if he wants some sexual backup.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell in love with a woman over the span of two weeks. What she didn’t bother to tell me is she has a boyfriend in the film industry and he is often away for weeks and months at a time.

She told me last week to understand I needed to step back whenever “her man” was in town. What am I — her boy toy entertainment?

I said, “You used me!” She said, “And you loved every minute of it.” We were meeting at the bar to talk things out.

I stood up and told her to “shove it.” She said, “Happy to!” and shoved a beer in my face, leaving me dripping wet as she pranced out. What should I do now? — Not Over Yet! Downtown Winnipeg

Dear Not Over: It is so over! Smart people get mad, and then get glad, with a better-quality sweetheart. You don’t need to get in the last word, or the last beer splash. You both told each other to get lost very clearly, and now that’s what you both need to do.

The good news? You could learn a lot from this. A secretive, cheating woman used you while her main boyfriend was away — that’s her game and she expected you to play along.

So, look for another woman who’s actually free and don’t take silence on the boyfriend subject as proof she’s actually single. Ask her outright, but also casually ask others who know her. That way you’re less likely to be fooled again.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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