Ignore prude, carry on with topless tanning

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/06/2019 (2319 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Is there anything wrong with topless tanning at the beach? I was at a semi-private beach on Lake Winnipeg, tanning on my back with a pair of bikini bottoms and this old woman came over with a towel. She dropped it on me and said, “Cover up! Shame!” I sat up, bundled up the towel and threw it after her and told her to go home, where she belongs. She yelled that she was calling the police. No police came. Big deal. I’m doing it again next week. What do you think?

— Topless Suntanning OK? Lake Winnipeg

Dear Topless: Since you’re on a semi-private beach, I have only this advice for you: be sure you wear a lot of sunscreen on your top bits, as sunburning that delicate tissue can be bad news.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a cute boyfriend and my sister thinks so, too. She has mentioned it to me and l’ve told her, “Hands off!” Somehow she managed to speak to him behind my back and he had the nerve last weekend to suggest a threesome to me. With my sister? Are you kidding me? Yech!

I went to her, ripped her bedroom door open and demanded the truth. She said it was “all his idea.” That means she’d been talking with him and discussing sex — about having it with me and her. She swears they haven’t done anything yet.

I feel like dumping him, but I’m afraid she’ll grab him up and he’ll still be around our house — even worse. My mother says we sisters had better both get rid of him, or she’s calling his parents into this.

My sister and I are twins, late teens — but some things I won’t share. (Our mom, who’s liberal-minded to a point, knows we’re sexually active and she has had us on the pill the past year.) What should I do? I don’t care about protecting my sister; she didn’t care about my problems.

— Rock and a Hard Place, Winnipeg

Dear Rock: Why would you keep going with this sleazy, underhanded, two-timing jerk, just to keep him out of your sister’s hands? OK, I get that.

But it’s still a bad idea. You need to root that little snake out of your entire family. If your mother forbids him from coming to the house, it’ll be a start, although your sister can still sneak out to see this player who gets off on the idea of twins competing for him — as does your sister, by the way.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is a couch potato. He doesn’t even change channels. If it’s on a channel he’s happy with, and his 12-pack of beer and potato chips are holding out, he’ll just stay on that channel, usually sports, until he falls asleep.

Last night, I took a picture of him lying there asleep, snoring, with the chip bowl on his chest and his belly hanging out, mouth agape, snoring. Then I made a photo print of him and put it in his one closed hand. When he finally woke up, he came upstairs with the picture and said, “What the heck is this about?” I said, “This is not the man I thought I married!”

He went in the bathroom and turned on the shower, which is what he does when he wants a time-out from me. I hope he was bawling his eyes out in there, because he looked just like his father in the picture, who is a disgusting beer drunk and a TV junkie — with no wife. My mother-in-law moved out, and on to a better guy. Even my husband admits that her second husband is way better. Yet, now he has turned into his dad.

Do I love my husband? Well, I love the manly man underneath the slug. But we are in our late 20s, no kids, and this is what we have in mind for a forever marriage? On the weekends he goes golfing or gambling with his buddies. Please help! I won’t be staying much longer unless this changes. He’s just the kind of hot-tempered guy, if I told him I was going to leave, he’d yell, “Get out now then!” He has that much pride. I have secretly been doing some packing.

— S.O.S. Young Wife, River Heights

Dear S.O.S.: Consider this: your man may have a drinking problem by now, as well as the overeating, plus he’s on his back from the time he gets in the door until he passes out. That often spells depression.

Find out what he’s hiding. How does he feel about his work? Maybe he hates it and wants to quit, or go back to school.

Does he have problems he’s never discussed with you? Maybe he’s having erectile dysfunction and just wants to absent himself from the marriage bed by being drunk and out cold by bedtime.

There’s so much to investigate before you just up and move out. Try to remember the guy you married. Talk to him about how much you two were in love at that time and what kind of lifestyle you had before marrying. Don’t give up easily.

Ask him to go to marriage counselling with you and see what he says. If he says no, go without him for a few weeks.

Also, go visit his mom and talk to her about what’s going on. She knows her son and may have some words of wisdom for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography