Plan girl a fantastic birthday, just don’t forget to invite her

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This article was published 13/07/2019 (2625 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What’s a fun way to surprise your sweetheart on her birthday? I’ve been with the same girl for two years, and I want to do something for her birthday in August, something spectacular that she’d remember forever.

I’m just totally unable to think of anything. Any ideas? Please help! 

— Not a Creative Bone in My Body, Winnipeg

Dear Creative: Is your honey a group-loving person or shy person? If she’s outgoing, plan a real themed birthday party for her that she knows ahead of time is happening, though she has no idea what it will be like. Warning: parties planned and whispered about behind people’s backs are often hard on the birthday person’s feelings.

The worst thing a lover can do is pretend nothing’s happening, and then jump up with a bunch of people hollering, “Surprise!” More than one birthday surprise girl has cried at this big moment, and mostly from built up angst on that long, lonely day.

You can pick a birthday theme from hundreds listed online and just follow the instructions as to location, decor, cake, even cute gifts to suit the theme and a paid guest such as a magician, card reader, juggler or serenading musician.

If your young woman is a private person, it’s a totally different deal. A little dinner for the two of you in a fancy spot where you have an option of indoors or outdoors assures a great night. Maybe invite one other couple or possibly two to make the conversation flow and extend the party. Gift her in front of everybody with a little stack of presents and “wonderful you” could give her a piece of jewelry with a romantic inscription she’ll keep forever, if it’s not diamond time yet.

Remember: to make it beautiful from the get-go, send the birthday girl a formal invitation to the birthday dinner 10 days ahead, so she knows a little soiree for a few of her closest friends is happening and she can look forward to it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My parents just bought a new car — one they clearly can’t afford — and I’m counting down the days until the repo man comes for it.

They seem to not care and use their age as an excuse. “Oh, we’re in our 60s, may as well try things we’ve never been able to try before.” I guess they are right, and I want them to be happy, but this is financial suicide. Should I sit them down or just let them fly? 

— Worried Son, River Heights

Dear Worried: They’ve already bought their fancy car now, and they’re adults older than you are. Don’t be a killjoy right off the hop. However, do watch them quietly. If you notice they’re struggling with their finances, and the extreme joy of having this fancy car is over, they might want to sell it while it’s still perfect. Then you help, without saying, “I told you so.” For now, keep your criticism to yourself.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is a reply for Helpless, the person writing about the friend who marks the day of her long-past summer marriage breakup, like an annual traumatic event, and then goes into a big funk for the rest of the summer.

I was very fortunate that when my dreaded date approached, I was able to plan a whole new event to mark the day in a positive way. I went fishing! This might be a good alternative for Helpless, too. It doesn’t have to be an expensive adventure, just something completely different that will give her a chance to go out with her family and have some fun new memories to mark the day positively. 

— Been There, Winnipeg

Dear Been There: Great idea! Changing the place where you got dumped, by going away to a fun place and novel experience that day, changes all the old emotional cues. It’s best to leave a few days before the remembered event date, and have a fun friend or two along enjoying a holiday. After a while, that traumatic breakup event will be erased and replaced by new travel-time memories and expectations of more good times to come.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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