Be proud of ma’s ‘freelance mothering’

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/08/2019 (2593 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is a “freelance mother.” She does childcare for different people who work and make good money.

She fills in all the motherly stuff like going to school meetings and talking over issues with the kids in her care, taking them to doctors’ appointments, counselling, hugging and cuddling, reading to them, patching knees and cooking them healthy meals. 

The other day, somebody said again, “Oh, so your mother is a babysitter.” I hate that, so I said “sit down” and gave them my little lecture.

There are lots of people out there who just get babysitters for a few hours to make sure their kids are safe when they’re not there. I think there’s a big difference between what my mother does and what other people do! 

People with well-paying, “important” jobs — especially in professions where you can’t walk away easily if your kid gets the flu or gets in trouble at school — need a substitute parent with a driver’s licence and access to a car. They are willing to truly fill the gap left by a missing parent when they’re away at work and are not “just babysitters.” —All Wound Up, River Heights

Dear Wound Up: Your mom does an important job for parents who do outside work requiring total commitment, who can’t come running home. 

Kids really need a substitute parent/homemaker. In countries like England and the U.S., this job would be called “the nanny.”

Nannies often live in the home and do some housework, while others live out. They are usually paid around $16-$18 an hour, if they live out, and negotiate a weekly wage if they live in.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a cutie at a beach near my own. I work by computer from my cabin most of each summer and my employer is fine with it.

I was on an afternoon break and jumped into my car and went exploring and ran into this full-grown honey at another beach. He was staying there for a week. We talked and talked, really liked each other and I didn’t want to leave him.

He asked me if I’d like to see his cabin and I went with him. It was a castle compared to mine. It turns out it belonged to his wife’s family and she was in Europe for a trip with “her bad girlfriends.” He said he didn’t trust his wife with them, but he couldn’t forbid her to go. 

I went for his line, because I wanted him — and I got him. We saw all of each other for the rest of the week, and then he went home. 

He’s been phoning me from the city and I finally said, “You have a wife coming home. Get yourself ready for her return. It’s your guilt, not mine, so deal with it.”

He got mad, and slammed down the phone. 

Yesterday, he phoned and apologized and begged, and I said loudly, “If you call again, I will tell your wife!” The phone has been silent since.

Now I’m missing him and want to call him. Please help. — Holding Myself Back, Lake Winnipeg 

Dear Holding: Start looking for a guy who’s very much like this beach lover in looks, speech, humour and moves — except he’s single. Now you have the template for what kind of guy you really dig — except he belongs to someone else. 

Of course, his wife could come home and tell him she’s in love/lust with someone she met on her trip and to get lost. I gather there’s no kids between them to consider and you don’t have any either.

Give it a few weeks and see what happens. He may just phone you again, and be free this time. Then see how you feel. Maybe you’ll want him; maybe you won’t.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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