Ditch the double fantasy, work on the reality of your relationship

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This article was published 31/08/2019 (2569 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have trouble orgasming with my husband — same old, same old. He does three moves and I feel complete boredom.

To get full satisfaction, I am forced to fantasize about that hunk Jason Momoa, who’s married to Lisa Bonet — not that she knows or cares about me. 

My husband has let himself go to pot — his butt is bigger than his shoulders. Who can blame me for not being turned on? I’m a runner and in great shape. 

My man uses the same old sex moves from college days that used to work. I can predict everything. So I do the only thing I can do, except cheat in real life — I have my fantasy lover, that big hunk from Game of Thrones. But I got in trouble when I unwittingly moaned, “Ohhh, Jason!” at the optimum moment and my husband roared  “JASON WHO?” I quickly said, “Nobody you know, dear, just an actor from TV.“

He went stone cold and walked into the bathroom. After a shower, he came back into the room and said as cool as can be, “I have a fantasy woman too,” and I took the bait. I said, “WHO IS SHE?” and he said “the new receptionist at work.” I’ve seen her. She’s hot, and barely 22. “Touché!” I said, and turned my bare back to him. Nothing more has been said. Now I’m getting worried. Where do we go from here?

— Torn By Fantasy Lovers, Transcona

Dear Torn: It’s a little late for both of you to button your lips about fantasy lovers, which are meant to be kept quiet. 

When sex gets a bit boring after a number of years, many couples do have one or more fantasies they can call upon, to get them really excited and put them over the edge. But what you two need right now is to look at each other, and find new and unique ways to make love that are more exciting. 

You could both learn a lot from books such as Have the Sex You Want: A Couple’s Guide to Getting Back the Spark by Andrew G. Marshall, or The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido by Michele Weiner Davis.

That’s where you could find new ideas. There’s a lot to be said for novelty in producing really hot sex.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I took my very new boyfriend to meet my family at the lake last weekend and he was nervous. He’s a big guy (240 pounds) and when he’s nervous, he eats too much.

I’m embarrassed at how much he scrapes off a serving plate, leaving only half the plate for everybody else to divide up. He always takes the biggest piece of meat, without even thinking.

On the way home, I got in the car and was so annoyed I immediately said: “Don’t eat so much. It’s embarrassing when you don’t share like a normal person!”

My boyfriend is touchy about being called abnormal, because he’s about 6-4 and husky. He was silently furious on the drive home. 

Finally, he said, “So you and your family think I’m a pig?” and I said, “No, but sometimes you act like you’re starving and don’t think of other people.” I haven’t heard from him since and it’s been a week — seven cold nights and seven lonely days. Should I just leave it alone?

— Missing My Big Guy, River Heights

Dear Missing: You really should apologize for hurting his feelings. One or both of you may not want to continue, but you should try to heal that wound if you can, just as any good friend would. Sincere apologies really help ease hurt and embarrassment. Not apologizing leaves the wound open, and when it closes by itself, there’s often a scar of bitterness.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell for a great lady at the beach who lives there fulltime, and I spent most of the summer weekends up there with her. She can work from anywhere, but I must work in the city. What do you suggest for pursuing this woman, now that summer is over?

— Crazy About Her, Winnipeg

Dear Crazy About Her: Plant a seed. Ask casually if she’d ever like to work in the city. It’s probably too early to move in together. How about you just keep driving out to see her and enjoy the fall weather together? The weekday breaks are good for building up interest and sexual desire. 

Also check the paper for all kinds of entertainment she’d enjoy in the city and ask her to come in and stay with you some weekends — and make them a lot of fun. Living a little bit apart in the beginning can really heat up a relationship.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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